Rename “Global Warming” Contest


Andrew Jackson (‏@yodacomplex) reminded me of the screwy history of the thing that was Global Warming. The phrase has undergone many revisions, examples of which are:

  • Climate Change,
  • Climate Cataclysm,
  • Climate Chaos,
  • Climate Disruption.

Readers will have noticed the evident Anglo-Saxon preference for alliteration. If only the atmosphere would have cooperated with any of these terms, we’d at least have had a more interesting topic of conversation than The Consensus.

Consensus of what? Apparently that things are worse than we thought. I’ve pointed this out before, but if the same scientists, year after year, step to the microphone and announce “It’s worse than we thought” then the following two facts must hold: (1) these scientists are extraordinarily prone to error—can’t they ever get a prediction right?—and (2) therefore admitting membership in The Consensus is a political and not a scientific act.

Skip it. What’s true is that The Consensus was able to stir and heighten fear—even panic! even syndromes!—using the phrase “Global Warming.” Why no less than the very model of sober propriety, himself, Mr Al Gore, was made nervous enough to make a movie—and then make millions selling carbon indulgences.

Never mind. Familiarity bred its contempt and took the edge off Global Warming, but then so did the lack of global warming. So The Consensus switched to Climate Change. This was a winner in the limited sense that the climate always changes, so at least scientists wouldn’t be embarrassed by frequent flubbed forecasts. Fear rose.

But it never soared to the same heights as before. Hence quickly followed the other monikers. Yet honesty compels us to admit they were poor performers. The glory days of Global Warming are but a dim memory. People stopped caring.

This has had the effect of casting a pall over a once happy group of environmentalists. Before, Greenpeace operatives would chase you down the street, bean you over the head with their white three-ring binders, while cheerfully but adamantly delivering a “Do you have a minute to save the environment!” It was never a question, it was a mini-sermon. Whereas now they stand sullenly, offering only a weak grin and a view of their t-shirts, hoping this will be enough to enchant you into a conversation. Pathetic.

Think of all those who have devoted their lives to assuring us that the End Was Nigh! How sad, how bereft they must be! Christian charity, common human decency, requires us to take pity on these newly created intellectual vagabonds. It is our duty to cheer them, to show them hope is not lost. After all, we wouldn’t want them to all move to Belgium just so they could use that country’s generous disposal services.

Hence this New Contest to rename Global Warming. Let’s put the macabre back in meteorology! Let’s cause flesh to creep over climatology! Come on, gang: let’s get that sky falling again!


All entries must be made in the comment box below by 23:59:59 EDT 23 July 2014. One week, ladies and gentlemen.

I will be asking my pal Gav Schmidt (via Twitter) to be a judge. He might accept, too, since this contest is for his benefit. But upon his refusal or non-answer, I become the sole judge and jury.

Entries will judged on brevity, power to instill terror, memorability, and originality. The words of all entries must begin with capital letters (so I can find them).

Winners (there may be more than one) will be announced in a separate post and in this one. The winners, besides receiving the approbation due to them, will be invited to write a 300- to 400-word essay on What I Learned From Global Warming which will appear on this site. I will be in touch with the winners to arrange the details (so please use the right email when you register your entry).

Candidate #1

My entry, probably unbeatable, especially if I am to be the judge:

Apoplectic Apocalyptic Anthropogenic Atmospheric Aneurysm

Update I don’t want to single anybody out, but don’t forget the spirit of this contest. We’re here to help our sad brothers and sisters. That means a name like (I’m making this up) “Climate Silliness”, accurate as it might be, isn’t going to instill fear and panic.


  1. MattS

    Climate Confusion

  2. Beowulf

    Sh-t hits the Fan!

  3. Russ

    CO2: Temp Terror Timebomb

  4. tmitsss

    I want to change CO2 from “greenhouse gas” to “snuggly blanket gas that keeps us warm at night”

  5. James

    I will parody the unreality of AGW with the unreality of reality tv:

    IPCC’s Next Hot Model

    Although that hardly instill terror. Another option:

    Plant Pabulum Produces Perilous Planet

  6. An Engineer

    Farmer’s Almanac

  7. Mike

    Global Weirding

    (not mine, but can’t recall who coined it and thought it should be considered)

  8. Scotian

    Climate Progression

    or maybe

    Progressive Climate

    The new PC! The treat of having to write an essay is enough for me to want to lose. What is second place?

  9. Sander van der Wal

    Climate’s Revenge.

  10. Nick

    climate fluctuation

  11. Bruce Foutch


  12. andy

    Climate Schizophrenia

    As in the divergence of reality and that which we are told to believe.

  13. Gary

    For the sake of truth in advertising, call it “Climate Conundrum” and just admit we only understand enough to be confused by it. A “wicked” puzzle according to Dr. Judith Curry.

    Definition of CONUNDRUM (Merriam-Webster)
    1: a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun.
    2a : a question or problem having only a conjectural answer.
    b : an intricate and difficult problem.

    Word Origin & History (Etymonline)
    conundrum: 1596, Oxford University slang for “pedant,” also “whim,” etc., later (1790) “riddle, puzzle,” also spelled quonundrum; the sort of ponderous pseudo-Latin word that was once the height of humor in learned circles.

  14. mpcraig

    Curtains for the Climate

  15. Rich

    Falling Skies

    I know it’s been used but the confused might recognize it without remembering why.

  16. Mike B.

    Anthropogenic Biosphere Calamity or ABC for short.

  17. Ed

    Seeing that Heat Death is already taken and as it doesn’t convey how horrible, horrible human beings are I thought of: Anthropic Entropy.

    Anthropic Entropy is to be suffered in the middle regions of the Globe as Anthropic Tropical Entropy (for which nations may seek compensation at UN meetings) and as Anthropic Antipodal Entropy when detected in the South Pole…

  18. Sundance

    (Sarc alert)

    Global Greenhouse Gas Chamber (in reference to those who were gassed for denying the German scientific consensus that found them inferior & unfit to live)

  19. Burn-Your-SUV-and-Live-in-a-Hut Science Cult
    (Because we’re smart and caring….and you’re not!)

  20. Roadki11

    Anomalous Biospheric Collapse Dynamics.

  21. Doug M

    Do you remember when we called it “the greenhouse effect”?

    I submit carbon imbalance.

  22. vuurklip

    1) Catastrophic Climate Crisis
    2) Catastrophic Climate Collapse
    3) Catastrophic Climate Crash
    4) Curtains for Climate
    5) Deadly Climate Distortion
    6) Climate Waterloo

  23. Rapid Inflammation of Stored Carbon = ‘The RISC event’
    (because it’s a high risk gamble for Climate and Oceans – and people)

  24. Tom Scharf


    Oh My God The World Is Ending And We Are All Going To Die Unless We All Adopt Liberal Social Values

  25. Tom Scharf


  26. RobR

    Acute Global Climate Poisoning (AGCP). Caused by Human Injected Carbon Poison, which can cause Climate Fevers, Chills, Cyclones, Droughts, Floods. This Poisoned Climate has been shown to cause every single calamity known to planetary flora and fauna. Unless the Atmosphere is De-Detoxified of Carbon Poison the whole of Mother Earth will become an uninhabitable wasteland in 10, 20, 40, 100 years.

    There that should do it.

  27. RickA

    Anthropogenic Global Perturbation

  28. Climate Croquemitaine (got that continental vibe)
    Cosmic Doomsday Countdown ( ‘CDC’ is a nice, if already claimed, set of initials…)
    Prius Party Pooping
    Hot Tub Earth
    The Sauna Scenario
    Deep Fat Fry
    The End Times

  29. clint parker

    Thermic enviornmental transformation

  30. Gavin Keeler

    Worldwide Global Climate Devastation Destruction

    Climate Terrorism

    Thermo Carbon Bomb Cataclysmic Apocolypse With Zombies

  31. feraltek


  32. Bert Walker

    Ok, I was going to enter “Global Bull Schmidt”, or just “Bull Schmidt” but I’m not sure I want to denigrate the bovine population. 😉

  33. How about some pessimism: “Global Cooling”

    or realism: Liar, Liar, there’s no fire

    or we could be liberal (i.e. smarter and holier than you) about it:
    “Global ad baculum”;
    “Climate begging”;
    “The global reification fallacy ”

    Or, if you want a book title:
    “Climate begging: the global reification fallacy “

  34. Jim S

    Climate Oh-crap-I-need-to-find-something-else-to-blame-my happiness-on-ing.

  35. Pouncer

    Climate Chaos.

    The confusion of the mathematical usage of the term, as originated by Lorenz, with the general layman’s usage, allows the same sort of propaganda “consensus” we have come to expect. The vast majority of technicians will agree with the specific proposition that weather and climate are described as “chaotic” systems. The vast majority of low-information adults will agree with the general proposition that order is better than chaos. So, of course, it is UP TO US, sooner than later, to DO SOMETHING.

  36. John

    Three words in various order:

    Climactic Climatic Calamity

    Climatic Climactic Calamity

  37. John

    Calamatous Climactic Climate (that was the other one)

    Don’t know if the 3! (factorial) ways of ordering would work or not …

    I’ll leave that as an exercise

  38. david leonard

    Scorched Earth – for which we’ll need a scorched earth policy…
    TEOTWAWKI – from the preppers
    Decadal Dessicating Decimation
    Planetary Toast
    Parching Pandemic
    Terrestrial Annihilation
    Slow Burn
    The End is Sear


  39. Brian

    Climate Lacerations Asphyxiates People

  40. RepairMinded

    “Interglacial warming period.”

  41. Seele

    The Call of CO2thulthu, devourer of souls.

  42. Mdwstmusik

    Global Environmental Devistation

  43. DaveW

    Of the above, I like Mike B. the best
    17 JULY 2014 AT 11:46 AM
    Anthropogenic Biosphere Calamity or ABC for short.

    But this would tend to produce derision instead of fear amongst Australians.

    Climate Hell
    Climate Inferno
    are both succinct and fits the religious nature of CAGW. To recapture the alliteration either could be used with ‘the Coming’ and ‘Impending Climate Inferno’ produces ICI which would be pronounced ‘icky’.

    I think that’s the best I can do: score my contribution “Impending Climate Inferno (icky)”. May be Gav will like that.

  44. Tom Scharf

    Climate Carbon Contagion

    Carbon Weaponization

    Climate Carbon Infection

    Anthropogenic Carbon Discharge

  45. Will

    1. Climate contamination
    2. Catastrophic climate manipulation
    3. Emergent climate disruption
    4. Climate destabilization

    My favorite has been, and continues to be, Thermageddon.

    – Will

  46. David L Hagen

    Restoring Eden
    Unleashing sunlight
    Using stored sunlight
    (aka fossil fuels)

  47. Anders Valland

    Anthropogenic Climate Disruptive Catastrophe – ACDC for short. Gives them the opportunity to put rock’n’roll into it and gives it a scent of rebellion. That last part is important to help them get away from their current corporate, in-your-green-lined-pockets-style.

  48. Chris Blythe

    All we need is a new anthem

    The sun is out
    The sky is blue
    There’s hardly a cloud to spoil the view
    Oh God it’s Catstrophic Anthropological Climate Change
    We’re all going to die

    (Apologies to B. Holly)

  49. gregole

    Man-Made Atmospheric Carbon Congestion and now with Super-Exponential CO2 Heating it’s better than ever!

    Because it’s worse than we thought!

  50. Finnius Fogg

    C-limate R-etrogrades A-nd P-orgressions.

  51. Beowulf

    CRAP gets my vote!

  52. mdwstmusik

    Catastrophic Climatic Collapse

  53. GaryR

    Climate Doom from Climate Doomsters

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