High-tech Tinfoil Hats Thwart Abductions!

Telepathic War with Aliens! And it’s happening now!

Aliens have already infiltrated the UN, and maybe even the White House. They are abducting people left and right and in between. It’s a full blown battle.

Don’t become a casualty.

That’s right, only one thing can stop it: thought screen helmets. Don’t have your own supply? Then you can buy one, or construct one using helpful instructions provided at Stop Abductions!

It is impossible to argue with their logical ad pitch:

Aliens will try to stop you from wearing the helmet both mentally and physically. Remember that they can read your mind. Before you make one they may try to influence you that you don’t need one. Once you start wearing a helmet they may harass you or perhaps threaten to kill a pet in retaliation. They are good at manipulating your spouse to have a conflict with you about wearing the helmet. If you forget to wear it one time they may physically hurt you. They have done these things to a minority of abductees wearing helmets. Most abductees report complete success with the helmet when they wear it as much as they can.

Need more proof? The woman in this photo was not abducted!

Tinfoil hat



  1. Mack

    I suspect this works because the aliens rightly avoid abnormal specimens.

  2. JD

    I made my own hat which I wear when it would be inconvenient to be abducted. The rest of the time it’s rather enjoyable to be abducted and probed. It’s not for everyone, but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

  3. 49erDweet

    Question: If a “world leader”, one practically worshiped by the unwashed euros, knowing what is known about climategate still ops to travel to Copenhagen to address folks meeting to discuss trashed science – is that “WL” already an alien or does he need to travel with tinfoil at the ready?

    Or, the other option, is he already “Dan Rathered” up too much over this issue? Iow, he knows the evidence is false but has a gut feeeling the facts are true, anyhoo. Clarification is needed. Plans need to be made. Tell us, oh numbers man.

  4. Mike B

    I’m not convinced. That woman needs to prove to me she hasn’t been abducted.

  5. They’ve got Martian traded technology,
    and mind control psychology
    I’ll let them do what they wanna do
    Cuz if the government can read my mind
    they know I’m thinking of you.

    If the government could read my mind
    – The Vandals

  6. James Gibbons

    “You can use either 3M part number 1704, 1706, or 1708.”

    Everyone knows that 3M is owned by aliens and is in on it. The Velostat actually amplifies the alien control waves and allows a greater degree of control.

    I prefer downing a fifth of whiskey as it keeps the synapses from being affected by the control waves.

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