Trump Wins! How To Cope With Your Grief


Note: this post was written initially on 22 October and added to as new helpful hints came to me. And a reminder that we predicted a Trump victory on 1 January 2016. I’ll soon have a Stream article analyzing the polls. More or less expanding this, this, and this.

Those of us on the side of Tradition and Reality are besides ourselves with glee this fine morning. We fought the good fight and in pitched battle beat back the black forces of Ephemera and Desire, forcing their retreat. A glorious triumph! You will pardon us for our enthusiasms, which are bound to occur. You will forgive us our I-Told-You-Sos. You won’t mind our celebrations.

Take heart, Dear Sad Loser! Do not begrudge us our moment, for our brio, our vivacity will be short-lived. Sobriety is on the horizon. Two things temper our happiness.

One: knowledge that our victory is only partial and destined not to last. The Doom and Destruction you wish for are still on their way. The Equality and Diversity you love so well will still kill us all.

But not today.

Two: We cannot be completely happy because we know of your deep melancholy, your terrible despondency. Our hearts are big: We feel your pain! Therefore as a service to you, the forlorn, some helpful material.

Suicide Hotline

A state-by-state list. Or you can call 1-800-273-TALK.

If you are determined and can’t imagine living in a world with a President Trump and so cannot be talked out of the ultimate self-sin, then please take care not to leave a mess behind you. Don’t be rude. Here is a list of working blast furnaces. Jump into one of those and there won’t be so much as a grease spot left. And, as a bonus, you’ll have a brief foretaste of Hell.

Canadian Real Estate

Many of you pledged to migrate to the Great White North if Trump were to win. Now’s your chance to keep your word! Lena Dunham, Miley Cyrus, Cher, Whoopi Goldberg, Rosie O’Donnell, Samuel L. Jackson, The Reverend Al Sharpton (yes), Jon Stewart, Spike Lee, and Barbara Streisand, all promised faithfully to vamoose northwards. In this way Trump’s victory is magnified. Think of it: Our new President promised to Make America Great Again. Clearing out the riffraff is a great start!

Realtor Canada is a fine site. And I have heard good things about Zoocasa. If you’re more the Unabomber type, then consider these remote cabins and land.

Immigrating to Canada is not trivial. Although Canada is pretty darned Enlightened, they don’t yet have fully open borders. Completely unfair, discriminatory, and probably racist. But there you are. Still, rules are rules, so before you load up your battery powered clunker, check the official requirements and restrictions.

Canadians are crazy about a game called hockey, which you need to learn. It is played by large white men, many of whom do not speak English, who slide around on narrow blades on an ice field with the goal of getting their “puck” past an opponent’s “crease” and into their net. Sounds plenty sexy, doesn’t it? It’s brutal. Just look up “elbowing.

Incidentally, there is no better way of learning about this great game than in reading the life of Don Cherry, hockey’s official spokesman.

An open secret is that the English language undergoes a metamorphosis once you cross the border, eh. You’re going to want to know about beer stores, 2-4s, tuques, homo milk (you homophobe), and many more. Here are helpful sites which translate Canadian into English: here, here, here, and here. (Yours Truly grew up on the Canadian border, eh, and so heard these terms watching the CBC.)

Bad news: once Canadians find out why you want to come, they might not take you. I suggest lying.


Moving costs money, and suicide isn’t attractive. Do not fret! You can always turn to the bottle, a cheap way to escape Reality.

Now everybody knows rotgut malt liquor and non-name booze is cheap and effective. But why sacrifice taste as you slide toward oblivion? There are plenty of tasty whiskeys to be had for under twenty-five bucks a bottle.

The virtually unknown but recommended Mellow Corn at 100-proof can be found for under fifteen dollars. An exceptional bargain. Here is a list of other selections, nice on the palate and easy on the wallet. Drink up, Sad Loser! The first one is on me.

Of course, once Trump begins to round up his opponents (this means you) and deports them to FEMA concentration camps, you won’t have access to liquor stores. So you’ll want to know how to brew and distill your own booze. Pay attention to the tips at the Home Distiller site while you still can.

Best advice

Ignore all the above, and click this and enter your address. Light a candle for Trump.

God bless Hillary supporters, God bless our new President, and God bless the United States of America.


  1. Matt Czu

    Thanks God for giving a chance for the USA, for us and for all those of goodwill!

  2. John Watkins


  3. Well, I wonder if there is such a thing as a sore winner. In the meantime I’m praying for Donald Trump and for our country.

  4. Milton Hathaway

    I am shocked that the election was this close – amazing how many nitwits inhabit the voter rolls. And I lost my bet (I took Trump by 5 points).

    In fact, as I write this, it appears that Hillary is on-track to win the popular vote (thank you, California). Wow, that’s not going to go over well.

    The schadenfreude is delicious, though. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of folks. I can’t wait to listen to Rush tomorrow and relive it.

    Now, if I can just shake this feeling that I’m going to wake up in the morning to the news that Hillary has pulled out a miraculous win . . .

  5. Michael Dowd

    Great day, indeed. First let us thank God. We have a reprieve. Let us make the most of it..

    When I first heard speak at the beginning of the primaries I felt somehow he would become the President, possibly in a landslide. The only other time something like that happened was when I was at Iaccoca’s first meeting with the executives at Chrysler. I went in depressed and came out jubilant knowing that now we would be saved.

    Now, let us help Trump be successful.

  6. Kevin

    Will you be calling Nate Silver? Perhaps you can impart wisdom to him that will allow him to recover in time for the next election.

  7. John B()

    Bob Kurland:


  8. Yawrate

    Good Heavens!

    I hope the next four years go fairly well.

    Pence 2016

  9. JH

    Life goes on as usual. Happy people shall stay happy. After your celebration or recovery, you still have to face your own reality.

    Just like Bush and Clinton, Trump and Clinton will gleefully attend the same luxurious parties in the future. But it’s sad that some regular folks cannot even stand to be with their families because of this election.

    Yes, Briggs, let your true character shine through.

  10. BrianH

    Things are already looking up in the labor market. Alec Baldwin has job security at SNL for at least the next four years.

  11. Ken

    Leading indicators put the economy into a cyclical downturn starting right about now (e.g. auto industry pent up demand, which has been pretty reliable for decades). That might not bode well for Trump/Republicans if promised changes don’t work to stimulate the economy enough (some mature Republicans were saying in private a Clinton election might’ve been the best longer-term thing that could’ve happened to the Republican party for just this reason). Bush Sr. got caught up in the same poor timing, any number of indicators were well-turned by the election, and Bill Clinton won…then claimed credit for economic prosperity that followed out of cyclical inertia. With the Republicans now in charge of everything, if they don’t deliver (whatever that means, to whoever), things could really turn out bad for them — even the most adroit politicians will have little room for getting away with any excuses.

    On a lighter note, Don Cherry’s between-period interviews are always colorful; hockey fans, and many other’s clueless about the game, tend to love’m. Many would like to see one, just one, in which he inhales helium before every statement. That would be something.

  12. Joy

    Well done Mr Trump!
    I never doubted you would do it,
    You did it in spite of all the others!
    Congratulations, well done!

    For best predictions, stand well back, preferably on the other side of the pond.
    This is the beginning of the end of the beginning of PC and globalisation,
    I’m afraid we, Britain, was the beginning of the beginning, naturally.
    Come to think of it,

    Luis Dias!!!!
    Where did you hear it first? That man I spoke of who would have the appeal and heart to prevail despite the best efforts of the establishment? Well we have two, One Nigel Farage and one Donald J Trump. X X!

    Mark Steyn for prime minister of Canada!

  13. Gary

    If the celebrities can’t get into Canada, Guatemala could use their contributions to society. Or at least tolerate them. Why do these people always threaten to inflict themselves on Canada if they don’t get their way? Go south, dear frightened ones. Go south.

  14. John B()

    As it was once famously put:


    (It just might require a little extra fiber)

  15. Finally a new departure from politics as usual, a change for the better I believe. For the first time in modern US political history, the presidency will be re-invented by someone not schooled in the system and little beholden to vested political interests. Let the roller coaster ride begin.

  16. An Engineer

    Elites – royalty! There are no damn royals in this country. The queen is dead. Long live the uncommon sense of the common citizen. We toil for this country. We deserve to live in it!

  17. Sander van der Wal


    Canadians look more like Americans than Guatemalans.

    And while Canadian English is not quite the same as American English, it is very much not Spanish.

  18. Gary


    Precisely. These birds are strong proponents of “diversity.” Why then flock together? Perhaps because they’re all chirp?

  19. Voting for “draining the swamp” is all well and good, I support it. But we have, in fact, elected Donald Trump who pretty much epitomizes a human swamp. If a swamp could walk and talk, it would pretty much look and sound like The Donald.

    Me? I wrote in John R. Huntsman, Jr. I live in California so my vote doesn’t count anyway but I’d have done the same in FL, PA, MI, CO, or wherever.

  20. Ken

    Being a statistician’s blog, one might expect the statistician to analyze how/why USC polled such that they most accurately predicted the Trump win (perhaps were the only ones to do so via polling?). Via the following link one can see their trend showing, leading up to the election, Trump leading where all other mainstream polls showed Clinton ahead:

    Somewhere ‘out there’ is a pollster that discussed this (I heard about this via radio, didn’t record any details) in some topical detail shortly before the election. That pollster noted that USC provided the data and their methodology to the public (unlike most pollsters). When that pollster applied their methodology [i.e. what mainstream pollsters were doing] they got results that aligned with the mainstream (with Clinton leading by a slight margin).

    It seems, mainstream pollsters were either applying the wrong modeling factors believing them more accurate (that USC may have had a more accurate model), or, when confronted with the cognitive dissonance of an undesired result (Trump leading) mainstream media pollsters tweaked the methodology to get the answer they wanted — choosing to believe their tweaks as more precise representations of reality vs the greater distortions they apparently were (such self-delusional behavior was also part of the radio discussion).

    Briggs — Are you up to analyzing USC’s poll methodology & what happened … at least the objectively quantifiable analytical portion?

  21. DAV

    Leading indicators put the economy into a cyclical downturn starting right about now

    Same thing happened for Brexit. Market recovered shortly afterward. As of 1:50 PM, the DJI is up 200 and is within 100 points of an all time high.

  22. Charles Martel

    Although I doubt a single American will leave for Canada, As a Canadian, please let me go on record as saying, please, please, please keep your
    leftwinger nutjobs in America.
    We’re all full up up here.

  23. Joy

    I think the posters forgot to factor in the toxic thingamie. An easy mistake to make.

  24. Frederic

    That’s very magnanimous of you Briggs from the summit of
    victory handing out the suicide hotline numbers. I would
    have expected no less of you, you’ve captured the Zeitgeist
    perfectly. Hat tip.

  25. JH


    Huh? What is okay? You mean it’s okay to risk alienating family members because of the election results and political views. I imagine that Trump would disagree with such statement. Well, maybe we have different priorities, I guess. I have lived under both republican and democratic presidents and under worse governments. Life has always been and will still be fine.

    I don’t feel winning or losing anything because of the election results. I do feel for my children who have volunteered many hours to campaign for their candidate.

    (I have not watched the youtube video yet. )

  26. SStuart

    @JH Didn’t you say many times Hillary was going to win?

  27. From Warren Meyer at Coyote Blog (

    “Dear Conservatives: As you wallow around in your election-day schadenfreude, I offer you this note of caution: Except perhaps on immigration and a few miscellaneous issues like climate, Trump is not a Conservative. He has no apparent respect for the Constitution, or free speech, or any number of individual freedoms. He is a serial abuser of eminent domain and has lived off of crony rents for decades. We often compare government unfavorably to private individuals when it comes to budgeting, observing that most of us can only spend as much as we bring in, unlike a profligate Federal government — but Trump can’t control spending in his own private sphere and has run up huge amounts of debt he has had to disavow in various quests for self-aggrandizement. Do you really think he won’t do the same thing with public funds?I said this morning I would give up political prognostication, but I am fairly sure in less than 6 months we are going to see prominent Conservatives coming out publicly with buyer’s remorse.”

  28. JH

    Yes, I did! Not many times though. How many is “many”? I remember that I said it to JMJ in jest, but I do have a very selective memory. (Thank you for paying attention to my comments.) I also said (only once) that the probability of Hillary’s winning is 0.5. I also said that George W. Bush would be reelected, not on this blog though.

  29. DAV

    Rob Ryan, when it comes to policy issues (assuming you could get either to talk about them at all) there really were no important difference between the candidates. This has been true in all recent elections. Why do you think the popular vote was so evenly distributed?

    No matter who won, each side is equally screwed.

    Be happy.

  30. I wonder whether all the comments about the polling data being so bad is on the mark. Trump and HRC wound about even in popular vote (maybe with HRC a little ahead as Calif. votes get tallied.) IBD predicted Trump ahead by 1 point; the USC-LA Times polls consistently predicted Trump ahead. And most of the polling differences were within an error margin of the actual difference. Where the polling failed was in not taking account of 1) lower turnout for HRC than had been for Obama (a small difference, but important for the final result); 2) amongst people who thought both candidates were morally unfit for the presidency, a greater proportion held their noses and voted for Trump (as did I), as exit interviews showed.

    I repeat my previous point: the best thing we can do now is to pray for President Trump and our country.

  31. DAV

    I wonder whether all the comments about the polling data being so bad is on the mark.

    Not the polls so much as how they were being used. Most of them had Hillary marginallyin front. In hindsight, this would have been more accurate

    The distribution of the popular vote by electoral votes is (obviously) more important than the popular vote. The polls apparently didn’t take it into account. The map of the voting by county shows that votes for Hillary were concentrated in high population areas. The polls seemed to have been oversampling there giving false expectations.

  32. Frederic


    I see what you mean but it’s important to identify the
    pathogen that has infected them. The locus can be found
    in our propaganda organs masquerading as news media, perhaps
    it’s time to excise a few FCC broadcast licenses. Then there’s
    the Fed and the tedious task of reformatting the currency.

  33. Sylvain Allard

    Charles Martel,

    Maybe you should move to rural America. You should get along well with those retards

  34. Ye Olde Statistician

    Maybe you should move to rural America. You should get along well with those retards

    Sylvain: That is exactly what led to the uprising in this election. Perfectly ordinary folks trying to mind their own business being constantly vilified and ridiculed by people who have never met or talked to them.

  35. SteveK

    The Huffington Post had a horrible model. It predicted a 98% chance that Clinton would win. Reality disagreed. See link.

  36. Sylvain Allard


    Those people are retards exactly because they mingle into other people they never met and saying they don’t have the same right they have. They call those people subhuman or even animals.

    Most of them don’t know or leave close to any blacks but call them criminals an lazy. The same thing for LGBT and Muslim.

  37. We still don’t know if we elected the Good Trump (who’s tolerant of the “bitter clingers” in flyover country) or the Bad Trump (who’s intolerant of people based on birth).

    A test case: A religious organization could harbor an illegal alien and claim it’s required by Exodus 22:21. The Good Trump (who was elected by evangelicals trying to defend the RFRA) will go one way and the Bad Trump the other.

  38. Oldavid

    Quote = Sylvain Allard
    “Those people are retards exactly because they mingle into other people they never met and saying they don’t have the same right they have. They call those people subhuman or even animals.

    Most of them don’t know or leave close to any blacks but call them criminals an lazy. The same thing for LGBT and Muslim. [Unquote]

    Do you personally know any of the people you call “retards”? I suspect that your tarbrush has a handle so long that you can’t even see the end of it.

    Now, I am perfectly happy to be branded a “retard” by the enemies of civilisation who have only the abhorrence of Natural Order to fuel their perverse ideology.

    You see, the diabolical egomaniac can’t hurt God so they bust themselves trying to pervert the Natural Order… promoting sexual deviancy, eugenics, insane racist megalomania, plutocracy, brainwashing with impossible superstitions, and lots more.

    You betcha that all of us people who are content to be people (black, brown, yellow, red or white) are not the least intimidated by being branded “retard” by a misanthrope.

  39. Jade

    Hmmm, interesting, how people come around here and saying they will be “praying”. A comedian recently said ‘that the only thing good thing Trump has done was to expose how Christians are hypocrites. I’ve never known anyone who has broken every one of the 10 commandments and BRAGS about it!’ I would say he is partially right. The only “Christian” that could support Trump is a false Christian, which unfortunately this country is full of.

    For all those people who claims to be “Christian” and “praying” Trump, please pray for yourselves. The only reason that Trump won is because he fosters HATE in this country. He has turn the people among themselves. He tells the common white man that his troubles are due to people different than himself. It’s always easy to blame someone else for your problem, isn’t it? You find comfort in that. That’s why Trump appealed to the masses, particularly those that are disfranchised to the changing times driven by a booming of technology. But until you learn to take responsibility for yourselves, nothing is going to change. Stop blaming others for your problems. Not even Trump is going to change your circumstances. He’s no different than the politician you claim to dislike. The only difference Trump has is he comes with more hate (which you take comfort in) and is a con man. Yes a con man. It has never been about America for Trump, it always have been and always will be about himself. What you will find in the coming years is, despite the “wall” and everything else he promised, nothing is going to change your circumstances, other than hurting others lawlessly along the way. He will destroy this country (since many of the things he has said comes in contrast to the Constitution and ignorant people seem to cheer him on to violate those principles), and bring this country back to the old days of when it was a country of HATE, rooted in racism. His slogan should have been “Make America HATE again!”

  40. DAV

    SteveK, a good example showing how boosting can fail. Sampling from a biased distribution only magnifies the bias.

  41. Joy

    No offence intended, was just being agreeable given the rather strong suicide remarks from Briggs. A matter never to joke about, certainly not the way he did.

    Don’t watch the youtube video if ‘okay’ was annoying, that will be worse! Just capturing the moment.

    I don’t know either what you really mean about families being upset over the result. Social media must have helped out there. People didn’t used even to say who they were voting for. Some families love reason to fall out.
    Out now, have to go into the smoke.

  42. DAV

    Interesting how those who claim to despise stereotyping are the ones engaging in it. The very same who claim to see the best in everyone and not hate are the only ones projecting it.

  43. Briggs

    Jade, a decent and intelligent person, is proof the State media is evil. #TurnThemOff

  44. G. Rodrigues

    What a joyful day. All those smug, arrogant, liberal patronising jerks got one giant f-you from the American people (the “basket of deplorables” in Hillary’s version, or the “retards” in Sylvain Allard’s version). I am still laughing — admittedly more at a farce than a comedy, but still laughing. The Orange Head, the vulgar, rude, shocking, narcissistic, mercurial Orange Head with a Ridiculous Haircut, that had a guaranteed defeat, won, against Hollywood, the Media and the Higher Ed institutions. What a joyful day. God has a (wicked) sense of humor and I am still laughing.

  45. Ken

    @ Bob Kurland: “…the best thing we can do now is to pray for President Trump and our country.”

    Phoning and/or writing your elected representative(s) is much more effective.

    Related: M. Twain’s, “War Prayer,” comes to mind —

  46. W Loughlin

    The panic in my facebook feed astounds me. The hysteria exhibited by normally rational people, the hate-filled comments vomited forth by people I know and normally consider decent, the lack of self awareness in comments like Jade’s. Thank God the election is over. Now if we could only get the weeping children out of the streets and home to their mothers.

  47. Ye Olde Statistician

    Sylvain: Those people are retards exactly because they mingle into other people they never met and saying they don’t have the same right they have. They call those people subhuman or even animals.

    And you know this, how?

    A lot of the Pennsylvania counties that went red this year were blue in previous years and, get this, the same people were living there! How did they suddenly change from good solid union Democrats to “retards”?

    Perhaps because they were tired of people like you calling them retards because they were concerned about jobs going away.

    In my county, usually blue but red this year, I look up and down my own block and I see next door on my south an Arab, on my north an Hispanic. Beyond the Arab is a cousin, then a Marine vet from Iraq and Afghanistan and across the street from him (in what was once my great-grandfather’s house) an elderly black woman whose family is well-known and prosperous (though I fear she has fallen ill) and next to her a black man from Virginia. Directly across from us is a family with two retarded grown children. Down at the other corner, another black man. Behind me on the next block are several Hispanic houses.

    But also, prior to the Marine, the corner house was occupied by a black woman who provided a safe house for gang-bangers that was once on the receiving end of a drive-by shooting. A dead body (Hispanic, but killed by blacks) showed up one morning on the corner. On the cross street, an armored car showed up a while back to arrest a guy who had been dealing drugs in the park on the block behind. A couple months ago, a spree killer from Elizabeth came through the Valley and killed four or five people before the cops nabbed him. (He had already killed three back in Elizabeth.) A lot of times, when someone refers to “criminals,” they are referring to actual, you know, criminals.

  48. Joy

    My previous comment was in reply to JH in case it wasn’t clear.
    I’ve now read the other comments. Wow!

    Go Bob K! that’s a reason to smile.
    Straighten up and fly right, one could lose patience.
    Rodders, is a big tease.
    This blog i too much. My blood pressure is usually low er than normal. Today it was ten points higher. It’s all Trump’s fault and I shall be writing to him to complain.

    More Gabriel Faure opus 11.
    Right after this.
    A sure sign that the world is doomed.
    A joyful day yesterday, indeed.

  49. I’d really like to meet Jade’s comedian. I wanna brag about how I dissed my mom and no one else seems to care. What was his name, Jade?

  50. I also wanna know more about the adult retarded children directly across from YOS. Do THEY at least call people “subhuman” or “animals”? Oh please don’t disappoint.

  51. And finally, Jade, DAV, can’t we all just agree to all hate each other?!

  52. Frederic


    You are a classic example of just how effective brainwashing
    can be. Everything you’re parroting you have picked up from
    your MSM handlers, and contrary to popular belief parrots are
    pretty stupid. Racism has nothing to do with the current political
    shift in this country and is nothing more than a cheap device used
    by the MSM Masters of Reality to divide and distract from the real issue
    of the ever tightening economic noose around our collective necks.

    Wake up this was all kicked off with the Travon Martin fiction with
    selective photos of him as a twelve year old victim when he was in
    reality a seventeen year old thug. From that starting point the MSM
    meme of white racism has been continuous and unrelenting resulting
    in the deaths of many people both white and black. The biggest lies are
    those that are repeated the most often and you are living proof of this maxim.

  53. DAV

    acricketchirps, can’t we all just agree to all hate each other?!
    Why would you want to?

  54. DAV

    Why would we NOT? It’s fun AND self-affirming.
    Bizarre. You and Sylvain are twin peas in a pod.

  55. Oldavid

    Why would we NOT? It’s fun AND self-affirming. [/quote]

    Perhaps because my black-skinned neighbour loves his wife and their children.

    Hey! you poor wretch! You despise your neighbour as yourself.

  56. John B()

    DAV and Oldavid:

    cricket is just channeling “Don Rickles”. (And doing a heck of a job, I might add.) He’s the king of the non sequitur. The comment causing consternation was just a play on Rodney King’s: “Why can’t we all just get along?”

    cricket’s really a sensitive guy – check out his long abandoned blog – I thought he was a she at one time. (Which is really appropriate for this Blog.)

  57. John B()


    Angle-brackets (less than/greater then)

    The raven

  58. acricketchirps

    The only thing worse than having to explain yourself is having to have someone else explain yourself. Goes double when ‘self’ is replaced by ‘jokes.’

  59. Briggs (Post author)
    NOVEMBER 10, 2016 AT 6:03 AM
    Jade, a decent and intelligent person, is proof the State media is evil. #TurnThemOff

    Surprising that the Statistician to the Stars would consider a single example to constitute proof. “Sure, but you know what I meant.” OK, wonderful. Then why the carping about the use of the term “random” when “Sure, buy you know what I meant.”

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