Earth Day: Book 1

In the beginning Great Spirit created clean air and Gaia.

And Gaia was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Great Spirit moved upon the face of the waters.

And Great Spirit said, Let there be light: and there was light.

And Great Spirit said, Let Gaia bring forth grass, O so green, and the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above Gaia in the open firmament of the clean air.

And Great Spirit made the beast of Gaia after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon Gaia after his kind: and Great Spirit saw that all lived in peace and harmony.

But Great Spirit looked and saw man; and that was not good. He asked, how did Adam appear? We did not order him. He doth look too smug.

So Great Spirit caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and Great Spirit took one of Adam’s ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and from the rib made a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Now a Bush Serpent, more subtle than any beast, said unto the woman, Yea, hath Great Spirit said, Ye shall not eat of the flesh of beasts?

And the woman said, We may eat whatever we find lying about: But of the flesh of beasts, Great Spirit hath said, Ye shall not eat of it lest ye die.

And the Bush Serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For Great Spirit doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as capitalists, knowing good and evil.

And when the woman saw that the beasts were good for food, and that slow roasting them was pleasant to the eyes, particularly with a side of fried potatoes immersed in the congealed milk of the cow beast. So she took of the beast’s flesh thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they would have to secure a loan from the bank to buy land on which to plant their corn seed; the seed bringing forth plants which to eat and to feed the stock.

And they heard the voice of the Great Spirit walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his equal partner hid themselves.

And the Great Spirit called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? Hast thou eaten roast beast, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

And the man said, The woman gave me a choice cut, and I did eat.

And Great Spirit said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The Bush Serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

And Great Spirit said unto the Bush Serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed: thy flesh shalt rot and become as oil in the ground thereof; and man and woman shall burn that oil and pollute the firmament and cause Gaia to develop a Great Fever.

Unto the woman Great Spirit said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow; in sorrow shalt you eat and grow fat; and the weight shalt not come off easily; no, not even with yoga; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, much to thy consternation.

And unto Adam Great Spirit said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten flesh, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed art thy arteries; in sorrow shalt thou watch them grow less patent all the days of thy life.

Thou shalt grow uncaring of the environment thereof and cease to be Green. I will put enmity between thee and Nature; thou wilt thyself become an unnatural thing; and in thy Business thy shalt commit great sins against Gaia.

In the sweat of thy face shalt thy eat genetically modified organisms, till thou return unto the Organic; for out of it wast thou taken: for Organic thou art, and unto Organic shalt thou return.

Therefore Great Spirit sent them forth from the garden of Eden, to till and despoil the ground from whence they were taken.


  1. Jerry

    And Great Spirit said, Let there be light: and there was light.

    And Great Spirit said, Let there be photovoltaic cells…


    And Great Spirit said, Let there be light: and there was light. And the light was incandescent.

  2. bob

    The article is really funny.

    Maybe you should add another category for blasphemy.

  3. Briggs


    Incandescent forsooth!


    Blasphemy, dear sir? This is from the sacred—sacred!—Book of Green.

  4. Speed

    The roast beast was best with a little salt.

  5. So this Book of Green, is that the same one the Reverend Al Gore preaches from? If so, I now understand so much more than I wanted to.

  6. Cecil B. DeMille

    Fab read. STOP. Must have. STOP. Potential epic. STOP. Possible title “Ten Suggestions”. STOP. Your girl should call my girl. Cameo bit for you. STOP.


  7. DAV

    Ah, but if ye taste not the flesh of Beasts, ye shall be as Greens, knowing Good as Evil.

  8. Briggs


    Story yours STOP See George Clooney as Adam STOP Can you find a young Hilary Clinton for Eve STOP

  9. Cecil B. DeMille


    Clooney inked as Bush Serpent STOP Halle Berry set as young Hillary STOP Haggling for former Illinois pol for young Adam STOP See you in coming-down-the-mountain-with-two-clay-kindles-under-your-arm role in Book IV STOP

  10. Wayne McDougall

    Typo: beats should be beasts

  11. Briggs



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