You guys knew you were in good company, but what you didn’t know until today was that you were in the presence of celebrity.
I am pleased—nay, thrilled—to announce that I am the proud recipient of the “Progeny Calamity” award, a “Genuine IG-Noble Prize”.
Not that Ig Noble. This is instead a “genuine” Ignoble (note the lack of space). This issued by John Minck, a retiree who spends his remaining years chasing heretics.
The Certificate of Recognition reads:
For your Beyond-Prolific Essayist Annals, you are hereby awarded the “PROGENY CALAMITY.” This qualifies you to endure the Ignominy of the World’s Citizenry and Your Own Progeny by your befuddling of the Global Climate Crisis and ignoring of the “Grandchildren Test.” It certifies to you the Distinction of trampling on the Future of Your Grandchildren’s Progeny by handing them an Unraveling Social, Economic and Environment System, Extreme Weather Events, Polar Vortex, Massive Midwest Flooding, Rising Oceans, Never-Before-Seen Tornado and Hurricane Seasons. It deplores your Disrespect of Climate Science Expert Research with Statistical and Academic Obfuscation.
Award: A Shameful Role Model for Grandfathers
Accompanying this prestigious award was a charming letter from the award giver, which I reproduce below, in part, to prove to you, dear reader, that propaganda works.
At 88, as I use up my remaining years on earth, I write hundreds of letters about my causes and passions. Every day I browse the HuffPost for news, the National Catholic Register (zealots) and the National Catholic Reporter (pastorals) to see what the industrialized church is doing to its members.
On the NCRegister today, I saw the reference to your website monograph on the flaws on homosexuality. I’ve written a lot, but I must confess that your expressed expertise leaves me exhausted. From transgenderism to cosmic science you have an opinion. I admire such prolific output, while at the same time, challenge your certainty. When I found that you are an adviser to the Heartland Institute, that began to shape my opinion of you. It also nailed your politics. I decided that you have earned one of my IG-Noble Prizes….
Interruption…Indeed, I have become immensely wealthy via my Heartland connection. The $0 in total consideration I got from them (and every other global warming connection) last year matched the contribution from the year before, and the year before that, and…you get the idea, and is expected to match this year’s total. Yet even with all that, I have managed to retain my humble existence.
…A third award, which I call my IGNOBLE PRIZE, is dedicated to the list of leaders who have used their status in society or academia or politics to influence our national enterprise with policies which work to the detriment of the future generations who will inhabit our globa [sic] in the next 100 years. Your Heartland Institute qualifies as a VERY influential research enterprise which affects my progeny, but more importantly, your progeny…
…I was struck with the realization recently, as I watched the devastation across Heartland’s Midwest, fields inundated, levees breached, a string of violent tornadoes sweeping from Oklahoma up to Ohio, WAY before their regular season schedules. Hurricanes of UNUSUAL intensity, and more of them. The exceptional Polar Vortex across a wide swath of America. These are the symptoms of climate change denial, and your own PERSONAL contribution to the communal denial will bring CALAMITY to the future. Thereby, you receive one of my first PROGENY CALAMITY awards. Congratulations!…
Interruption…May we have lots more of the kind of calamities we’ve been having, because storms are down historically, in strength and in number. Yet propaganda (i.e. the “news”) says the opposite. The better it gets outside, the worse it gets inside “news”rooms.
…There are plenty of climate change deniers, all with their own motivations. But likewise there is a preponderance of the earth’s scientific community who believes it is coming on like a freight train. The problem with these global sized physical changes is that certain environment conditions may have a triggering point where something happens and there is no return.
Interruption…by “climate change denier” I’m guessing he means one who denies global cooling will be especially troublesome. Sorry, I meant global warming. Sorry, I meant climate change. Sorry, I meant et cetera.
The preponderance of the earth’s scientific community do not believe global cooling/warming is coming on anything like a freight train. A few do, but the majority are not hyperbolic. Yet, again, propaganda assures us the opposite is so.
My award giver said above he reads Huffpost for “news”. Propaganda works.
P.S. Minck emphasized in supplementary documents that my award was just as much for my adherence to Catholic dogma as to environmental reality. He made an argument something like that since God created necrophiliacs, necrophiliacs can marry dead bodies, which Catholics ought to support. Or maybe it was pedophiles.
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