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  1. I’m a funeral director. In early Fall I transported a deceased person from a world-renowned hospital where staff emphatically reassured me the decedent did not have “Covid”. Several times – entering the facility, while ID’ing the body, moving the person to my cot – I was halted, “STOP! WAIT!.. ok, you’re clear. They’re Covid negative”. Got back, embalmed, and had the doctor sign the death certificate.

    Turns out he died from Hepatitis C, consistently ranked one of the deadliest infectious diseases in the US.

  2. If you maintain a sense of humor, you’re just going to get 2020 in 2021 with more dictators and mandates. A sense of humor is the last thing that 2020 needed. More anger and more action would have been better. Maybe 2020’s most comendable pushback against communism would have been better.

    JC–Hope you lost your sense of trust immediately thereafter.

  3. The corona virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides and walks. And, if we wear our leashes, we get a $600 treat.

  4. Imagine a vaccine so safe you have to be threatened to take it
    For a disease so deadly you have to be tested to know if you have it

  5. Because of the covid scourge on nursing homes, tell your kids that as long as you are able to crawl into bed and into the bathroom, you would like them to let you stay in your own home. Of course, if you contract covid and go blind, you should reconsider. If you contract covid and go senile, you should also reconsider, except you can’t — you’re senile.

  6. Heard Chuck Norris got The Sickness. Result, Covid had to quarantine for 14 days. Merry Christmas and a blessed 2021.

  7. So, 3 guys walk into a bar. A theologian, a scripture scholar, and a liturgist. You’ve got a gun, but only 2 bullets. What to do? Shoot the liturgist. Twice.

  8. RT: My dog does look for food, but runs to her crate when we are getting ready to leave the house. She throws up is we make her ride in the car. Even among dogs, there are rebels!

    John Garrett: I love watching dry ice sublimate.

  9. This is not a Virus joke: I don’t think it’s very funny anymore.
    It’s one from Padre Pio (paraphrased):
    Our Lord+ went to St Peter at the Pearly Gates and said to him: “Heaven is getting full, what is going on?” St Peter replied: “It’s all your Your Mother’s fault”. Our Lord+ asked: “Why is it My Mother’s fault?”. “Because every time I turn my back, She lets someone in”.

  10. I have seen finally the light of the transgender movement.

    I now identify as a vaccine.

    My body is specifically (or non-specifically) vaccine-fluid. So I express myself as the solution to every mutational strain out there on any given day.

    If any young ladies would like me to prick them, therefore granting them the power of my social-media certified, scientifically-time-tested, government-applauded bodily fluids, they can find me at the front-lines of various epidemics, lying in wait inside the nearest women’s restroom.

    The procedure will be generally quick, you will not notice anything at all aside from some slight initial discomfort.

    It may take multiple dosages to work, and you may experience side-effects that could last up to 9 months, but government programs have you covered. I will have appropriate forms printed out for you to sign before the procedure can begin for your convenience.

    I will of course, be wearing a mask. Mine alone is generally sufficient for your convenience. But you may be required to wear one, depending on a quick visual survey of your physical condition, which can require certain levels of mask covering up to and including your entire face. These more safely masked patients will be processed the quickest, whereas those who don’t qualify for mask requirements may have the procedure take a little while longer for safety reasons.

  11. We’ve never seen anything like this! This virus is so smart…. it can tell the difference between a
    Grocery store and a hair salon

  12. This virus is even smarter than that, it can tell the difference between BLM “protests” and peaceful, rational ones.

    C O’H.

  13. (Anthony Cumia on gender “fluidity” and kids)

    If your kid says he’s Superman, you don’t throw him off a building,…….or shoot him in the chest.

  14. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “Should we take our masks off first?”

  15. Nice that you can joke about it… Quote all the bogus stats you want, but 1 in 1000 Americans have already died from Covid and there’s more to come.

  16. WB–
    1 in 1000 America’s die from all sorts of things every day and life goes on without the draconian measures used to fight Covid-19. None of what was done to fight Covid have done much good, but have done a tremendous damage to individual freedom, the economy, and the 999 in 1000 who have had to suffer under this orchestrated “pandemic”. I do agree that this is nothing to joke about.

  17. WB – I assume you don’t have a phone or anything with a battery and so are sure you are doing all you can to stop the resource wars around the world, and stopping the children working in these mines. You don’t have a phone because you would not want to make jokes on such an item or take personal pleasure from it, for these humanitarian reasons, right? So you do have a phone, don’t you? Not everything is about everything. Not every action is about saving the world – only those with ideologies to defend think like this. Even if there are horrific things happening to let you have a phone, me castigating you for owning one, would that help the situation? Or is it more nuanced than that?

    I don’t think covid is funny either, but in context gallows humour is valuable and even essential (like among doctors and soldiers) to remain sane. Attacking such humour out of context is shooting fish in a barrel.

  18. After living through a plague, now I know why so many Renaissance painting were of fat naked people laying on couches.

  19. And Lo! a man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho
    And was set upon by thieves
    And beaten and robbed and left for dead.
    And Lo1 there came a priest along that road
    But seeing the man he passed by on the other side.
    Then there came a Levite but he too
    Passed by on the other side.
    Finally, there came a social worker
    Who rushed to the man’s side and said,
    “This is terrible! The people who did this to you
    Need help!”.

  20. So WB walks into a bar.

    He looks around and sees that everyone is fine and having a good time.

    WB loses his mind and exclaims, “How dare you! Don’t you know that 1 in 1000 people are dying?! Why are you not cowering in fear and misery like the television people tell you to?!”

    Lee Phillips drunkenly staggers up and says, “Who cares? Trump is no longer da president! *hic*! Didyu know zat as long as 9999 ballots out of a population of 1000 registered voters came outta nowhere for G.I. Joe then that makes up for everything! Nothing to shee here… *urghhh*…” he then takes off his mask and throws up on WB.

    WB shrieks, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THROW UP INSIDE YOUR MASK! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME! HELP! POLICE! THIS MAN IS NOT WEARING A MASK! I’M GOING TO BECOME 1 IN 1000!!!!”

    Lee Phillips cackle, “I’m releasing the KRAKEN! HAR! HAR! HA…UMGHHPPPH!”

  21. Sheri – Thank goodness for the rebels – even the four-footed ones. If we had had more, maybe 2020 would have ended better. Happy New Year!

  22. A vaccine that does not prevent contraction, nor transmission, but only relieves severe symptoms…. I thought that was called NyQuil?!?!

  23. Best 2020 joke?

    2020.

    That’s it. The whole damn stupid freaking year. A sick joke perhaps…but still a joke. And no sign so far that 2021 will be any better.

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