Caught With My Pants Down

No, not like Andrew “Stuffed Shorts” Weiner. I mean literally, as in the picture below, taken while walking across the Manhattan Bridge.

Linen suit

A guy on a bike, who I later learned was Blake Ribbey (Capture Flow photography), came riding up to me, whipped out an enormous camera and asked could he take my Polaroid. Yes, Polaroid. He said he buys the film from somewhere overseas. He snapped two photos and sent me this one (which I resized to fit the screen; the original is just as blurry as this). He invited me to stop by his studio and be put on video. I told him I don’t do nudity—I have my future career in politics to consider.

What is indicated here is how not to wear pants. As Jeeves might have said to me, “One aims for a slight break of the crease at the top of the shoe. This, you have not achieved.” Instead, I look like a Vaudeville baggy-pants comedian. All that is missing is the over-sized bow-tie.

(I have plenty of jokes: A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “I’ll have a scotch!”)

The problem (with the pants, not the joke) began with the not-so-suspenders, which were advertised for the “Big & Tall”, but which evidently meant for the “Fat.” The clasps are near the top of my shoulders and they slip. But they are brown and they match the linen suiting. Obviously, as I did here, I became lazy and failed to hike them back up.

The lesson is, of course, not to be lazy because you never know when somebody will insist on taking a Polaroid of you, thus immortalizing your sloppiness.

A more minor error is the lack of the shirt sleeve peeking through the jacket sleeve. Anything from 1/4 – 1/2″ is fine and serves to frame the upper body. It also better demarcates the end of the jacket. If you’re in doubt of this, try it yourself in front of a mirror.


  1. DAV

    All is not lost, though. Nice bridge.

  2. JH

    A current picture of Mr. Briggs! Thank you for pointing out those minor errors. I wouldn’t have noticed. You are an excellent model for the hat. 😛

  3. Ray

    Weiner is a wonderful example of the the truth of the old saying “it pays to advertise but if you have to push the product so hard, it must not be worth a darn”.

  4. Eric Anderson

    Well, at least the dimple in the center of tie is near perfect. That is no mean achievement. And the shoes are impecable.

    I’m wondering about the length of the tie, however. Seems it is about an inch too short, although it could be that the pants are an inch too low, as you intimated. You mentioned the suspenders potentially being part of the downfall on this particular occasion. Just out of curiosity, what is your view on belts?

  5. Yes, misdemeanor brace selection/maintenance is definitely your downfall here. That and the arrogance to assume your body required a “tall” sized suspender to achieve proper fit. Since all clasps “slip”, as you say, you’ve now learned to only acquire youth-sized braces to be worn at full extension – thus eliminating the dreaded mid-meeting slippage slump so common to those of us required to set some sort of minimal adult dressage standard.

    JH is astute to comment on the hat. Coincidentally, just today I received a communique from Senor Casey Dalzell of PHD, seeking photos of men in panama hats: “

    Imagine where you could take a panama hat! If you have a picture You would like to share please forward it to me ! We would love to see your adventures in your panama hat.

    I challenge you to contribute this classic portrait of a gentleman crossing a bridge to Dalzell.

  6. I’m sorry, that last was supposed to be “classy” and was meant a bit tongue-in-cheeky.

  7. Briggs


    My hat originated from the same location.


    Ties are meant as decorations for the neck, not the belly, so it’s not too short, especially when the jacket is buttoned, as it usually is. But I was asked to “work it” and open my coat for the picture.

  8. Pants go where pants want to go. If the braces won’t cooperate, perhaps you could work on longer legs?

  9. Geckko

    And I do hope you have you jacket open for photgraphic effect only.

    When standing this should remained buttoned (top button only), to be opened only on sitting to allow the jcket to fall naturally and for comfort.

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