“See that guy over there, Mugsy?”
“Yeah, boss.”
“He needs to be provisioned.”
“You got it, boss.”
I have a small collection of euphemisms for killings, curious deaths and murder. Most of them are comedic, like Wodehouse’s “handing in his dinner pail.” You know the serious ones: expedited, eliminated, liquidated, liberated (from Real Genius), handled, disappeared, etc.
So you can imagine how thrilled I was to discover a new one, invented by Canadian doctors: provisioned.
You are provisioned when a doctor slips you the needle or some pills, on purpose, to send you instantly to your Particular Judgment. (The doctors will get theirs at later dates, and boy wouldn’t you like to be, as they say, a fly on the cloud for those.)
Doctors—white-coated physician killers, we can call them Rxecutioners—are increasingly enjoying collecting paychecks to kill Canadians.
According to the official “Sixth Annual Report on Medical Assistance in Dying in Canada“, 16,499 ex-Canadians were produced, or rather provisioned, in 2024. Some 22,535 applied, but 4,017 of them cheated their Rxecutioner by dying early. Can you picture the dejected look on the killer-doctor’s face, his needle poised, poisoned and dripping, only to find his customer left without him? Sad.
These numbers were up from 2023, but the rate of growth of killings (provisionings) has slowed; it was 6.9% from 2023 to 2024. If that deceleration stays about the same, Rxecutioners will put some 17,500 under in 2025. And slightly more than that in 2026.
“The vast majority (95.6%),” of those slaughtered, “identified as Caucasian (White).” Rxecutioner provisionings are the one area where Canadian rulers allow Whites to excel. Incidentally, what’s with “identified”? Maybe Canadian rulers will let people identify as different races.
But never mind all that. The report is a wonderful, almost pristine, example of pure Expertism, the perfect blend of scientism and bright red euphemism. All should read it.
The Minister in charge of Rxecutions is darn happy to tell you all about them.
As Minister of Health, I am pleased to share Health Canada’s Sixth Annual Report on Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID). This report shows our commitment to providing accurate information about MAID and being open and transparent about how it is delivered across Canada.
Provisions are delivered. Perhaps they’re working on an app where you can get door-to-death delivery in under thirty minutes, guaranteed.
Good news is Canadian’s top judges “found that the absolute prohibition of MAID was against the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms“. A “right” to be killed by a doctor was discovered in the Charter, hidden away like pirate treasure..
Just like would-be moms icing their children before they are naturally unwombed, the ladies calling these killings “health care”, Rxecutions are called “end-of-life care”. I think you’ll agree ending-life care is better, though.
Rxecutions had two “tracks”, the first those with “reasonably foreseeable deaths”. They means deaths by causes other than doctor-killings being foreseen, of course. Yet it’s easy to suppose relying on doctors’ powers of prognostication will lead to sitcom-worthy scenes: “Say, Bob, it looks like you had the wrong chart and foresaw the wrong death.” “Now we’re going to have to find the other guy and kill him, too. I’ll miss my tea time!” [Canned laughter]
It’s “tea time” and not “tee time”, because you can’t play golf in the Great White North.
The second track is (their emphasis) “not ‘reasonably foreseeable'” deaths. These are better called recreational killings. “These made up a small minority of MAID provisions (4.4%).” Smart money says that percentage swells as the Boomers age out.
I’ll make another prediction in that vein: Watch for Rxecution parties, celebrations of the lives and coming killings of the victims. All will raise a toast, the victim then escorted into a small room by a doctor, and provisioned. You tell me whether there’ll be Soylent trucks waiting.
Minister:
Looking ahead, we remain focused on making sure MAID meets the needs of those seeking this service.
“Excuse me, I ordered the rainbow needle. You’re trying to provision me with plain white one.”
The Minister boasts:
Since the introduction of MAID, federal, provincial, and territorial governments have worked together to ensure it is provided safely.
Now if you can’t laugh at that safely, and can prove your lack of a sense of humor, you will be provisioned for no charge.
Meanwhile, if you value your health and are Canadian, stay away from doctors. Some of them are downright bloodthirsty. Here is their own histogram of Rxecutioner “caseload”:
Some of those guys are mighty busy.
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“Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.” ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley
I know it’s difficult for you, China, but do try to stay on point. Shelley had the usual liberal ideas about war. Back then liberals had not yet progressed to speaking out loud about the medical profession (so-called) murdering their patients by governmental sanction. So, nice try at false equivalency but no cigar.
Back in the 1970s, I went to college in Montreal. My Canadian counterparts were, on the whole, a pretty likable and reasonable, even smart, bunch (except perhaps for a tiny bit of “younger sibling” resentment).
These days, Canadians seem to have enshrined that resentment and made bad ideas a sort of badge of honor; As long as something offends American sensibilities, it must be a patriotic ideal.
When my dad got to the reasonably foreseeable stage, he provisioned himself with the help of his handy .32 magnum Smith & Wesson revolver. That’s how men did it in the old days.
Cary
At least your father had the gumption to take responsibility for the means and time of his exit. Can we know the extent to which Canadians participate in these decisions? As Henny Youngman might have said; “Take my life, please!”
More than 50 years ago, Vonnegut, in “Welcome to the Monkey House”, told us everything we need to know about these Ethical Suicide Parlors, complete with good-looking Hostesses wearing purple body stockings, black leather boots, white lipstick, and not much else. They would, he told us, put their — sometimes reluctant — Barcalounging customers ‘to sleep’ with hypodermics …while serenading them with their soundtrack of choice.
Today, of course, we have the very Star Trekky Sarco Pods (also purple!) which whisk people away via the inhalation of inert gas.
Kurt would be impressed!
Canadians should adopt these terms and euphemisms and use them regularly in far right speech.
I am currently making plans to provision every doctor, judge, and politician I know!
When they knock on my door, I shall use whichever definition is convenient for me, like any slippery modernist eel would!
Pray for me at my Rxecution! Compose odes in my honor! Immortalize my final moment gloriously on canvas! “He took one for the team!”, they’ll say!
God loves you. Let Him take you home when it is time. In the mean time, give to our Father through His Son Jesus Christ, by the Holy Spirit, praise and thanksgiving that He created you and that He is all merciful. Confess your sins to Him, receive His forgiveness and His Love, and await His timing and way. Building relationship now with God, will make all much easier later on.
God bless, C-Marie
Thank you C-Marie. Thank you for the reminders of the greatness of our Lord and Savior. I will share these with my family as we struggle through losing our sister and daughter, who’s battle with cancer is slowly ending. I praise the Lord for giving us the years we had with her and for providing our family with a guardian Angel. God bless, BobH