Engaging, Witty, Funny, Brilliant, And Most Humble Speaker Seeks Gigs

Another enthralled audience.
Another enthralled audience.
Are you in the need of a speaker for your event? Do you desire a trainer who can deliver more than what you can look up on your own on the Internet? Have you heard of the latest analytical thing and wish you were in on it?

Then I am your man. Not only do I provide scintillating intellectual content, delivered jargon-free with strict focus on understanding, I promise not to wear t-shirts and shorts and that I am still of the camp which believes a tie completes an outfit. In other words, I look competent in promotional pictures.

My bona fides in brief: Adjunct Professor of Statistics, Cornell University, one-time Assistant Professor of Biostatistics at Cornell Medical School, past member of the American Meteorological Society Probability & Statistics Committee, published author, consultant with major clients including the Wall Street Journal, and on and on. Full details here.

Let me come and tell you…

  • …Why global warming is not as frightening as you have heard. Or hoped.
  • …All about the Epidemiologist Fallacy, that great grant-generating gadget.
  • …The Top Five1 mistakes Marketing Statistics make.
  • …Our Top Seven Fallacies in probability and statistics.
  • …Just why you should never, ever, not even one more time, use a p-value.
  • …What Predictive Analytics is, and what it is not.
  • …When and if you should get excited when you hear “New research shows…”
  • …That logical probability is the superior and true understanding of probability.
  • …How classical frequentist statistics differs from Bayesian statistics.
  • …A defense of why frequentism should no longer be taught to undergraduates.
  • …About any of a myriad other topics in uncertainty.

My rates are unreasonable, but the sting you will feel paying them is far less than the soul-wrenching pain you will experience by ignoring me. I’m only kidding about the unreasonable bit.

I do it all: from one hour (de-)motivational lunch speeches (my voice carries over the crunching of salads), to logico-comedy routines (“What happens when you throw a white hat into the Black sea? It gets wet!”), to multi-part lectures and training sessions, to full-semester length courses.

Your duty as a reader, if you aren’t going to hire me yourself, is to send this page to somebody who can, attaching your most heart-warming recommendation with it.

Email: matt@wmbriggs.com
Phone: 917-392-0691

Here is a performance, atypical, marred by paying insufficient attention to the iron (linen wrinkles easily) and from meeting my pals Willie Soon and Juan Ramirez (who picked up the check) in the lobby bar the night before.


1Forgive me the garish titles.


  1. Briggs, you could also start uploading lectures & videos to blip, where the ads would then allow ya to get some pocket change for each view.

  2. Briggs


    Blip? Is it to be preferred to YouTube?

  3. Craig Porzondek

    I’m not impressed easily… statistically almost no one I don’t like impresses me. However, people I do like have a higher chance of impressing me. So I’m impressed with your lecture because I like you, however, next month I may lean toward no liking you, thus, the likelihood of me be impressed by future lectures are less.

  4. Briggs


    You know I’ll always love you.

  5. …Just why you should never, ever, not even one more time, use a p-value.

    So much drama… 😀

  6. Ray

    Dr. Griggs,
    If you can’t use P values how will the epidemiologists prove their latest study in lifestyle epidemiology is significant and worthy of publication? They would all be unplublished and the poor epidemiologists would never receive another grant. BTW, what is the epidemiologist fallacy?

  7. Briggs


    Watch who you’re calling Griggs, mister.


    Not only that but intrigue! pathos! tragedy! Who wants to listen to a boring talk?

  8. Bob

    They make those portable steamers for traveling people to get the wrinkles out of their suits. However, I do think it is advisable to remove your suit prior to climbing into the bed.

    I enjoyed you presentation.

  9. Ray

    Dr. Briggs,
    My most sincere apologies. I blame the stupid spellchecker.

    One time I wrote something and the stupid spellchecker didn’t know the difference between title and tittle. Do not trust the spellchecker.

  10. Great performance Mr. Briggs. I didn’t want it to end. I would have liked to hear your comments on probability of detection and the 95% confidence level in areas such as non-destructive testing. Perhaps next time, eh?

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