Vegetarian Intestines

You know how it is. It’s dinner time, but you’re tying to cut back on the red meat. So what do you do? That’s right. You reach for a big ol’ bag of vegetarian intestines:
Vegetarian intestines

Look carefully at the bag. Two things are striking. The first is obviously the pile, the loops and loops, of fake intestines. You ask yourself: how did they ever get them to look so lifelike? Chinese attention to detail!

The second, noted by the caption “The picture is for reference only”, are the two exquisite bottles of wine, which, as everybody knows, go perfectly with boiled intestine.

Many of you by now want to know where to find this delicacy. Go to the Hong Kong Supermarket, frozen food aisle, in Elmhurst, Queens, right off the R, V, or G subway lines. Only $2.45, an exceptional bargain.


  1. PhilM

    Gotta be fake.
    Everyone knows vegetarians ain’t got no intestines. Hell; they don’t have the stomach for real food!!

  2. Most of the Marxist-Lentillists I know are akin to mudwasp grubs and prefer to eat their food while it’s still alive. They tell me there’s nothing quite like the sound of a carrot’s death agony as you slowly, but surely grind out its pathetic little life between your teeth.

  3. Demesure

    The Marxist-Lentillists are, as expected, the most sadistic branch of vegans.
    Most fake intestine eaters are pacifists and only eat fruits & vegetables only after their last gasp, that is after they fall from trees.

  4. loki on the run

    Wait until they introduce vegetarian “pigs fallopian tubes” and vegetarian “tiger’s penises!”

  5. thomas


    it turns out that this is a very common and fairly expensive dish. Clearly the quality of the restuarant comes into play during the prep procedures. highly preferred types are pig small intestines. look like fat noodles

  6. SezaGeoff

    I agree with #1 – maybe they are supposed to be intestines from a vegetarian! Like I always say – “Try a low cholesterol diet – eat a vegan!”

  7. Denny

    Around here we take the intestines, clean them, stuff them full of seasoned pork and call them Sausages…or Hot Dogs.

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