Coolest Four-Word Sentence: Contest

Coolest Four-Word Sentence: Contest

As the world continues its slow but accelerating burn, the fallen bodies greasing the slide in Hell, we may as well have a bit of fun.

Your task is create the coolest four-word sentence.

One rule: it must be cool. All virtue-signaling sentences are ruled foul by default. Whoever writes the equivalent of I hate white supremacists will be tracked down and their address given to a team of life insurance salesmen.

Saying the likes of Salvation awaits the penitent is neat, not cool. It’s a semi-stealth attempt at virtue signaling.

Only the cool will do. The sentence must stand alone. No prep words before it are allowed. If it’s a punchline, it must be self-contained and rely on cultural knowledge to provide the set up.

Now I wouldn’t have created this contest without having first fashioned my own entry. Honestly, the winning entry. Given my award-winning intellectual humility, I’m open to the possibility of someone besting me, of course. But my ego is frail and I hate losing; plus, I just don’t see anybody beating this:

That’s Engelbert Humperdinck’s dinghy.

Scoffers need merely say it out loud to feel its power. Just one utterance convinces.

Work it into conversations with your mates.

“See that?”

“No. What.”

“That, over there. Know what that is?”


That’s Engelbert Humperdinck’s dinghy.”

This is a can’t miss crowd and party pleaser. Don’t have people read it. It must be spoken aloud to experience its mighty coolness.

My sentence is of the class of annoyingly funny statements. It’s funny to me, and not so funny to you. The twist is that your annoyance at my finding it funny makes me find it funnier. Which further annoys you, and etc. If there weren’t natural limits to the process, it would proceed to the Infinity of Hilarity, a land which is only dimly perceived, and can only be reached by a long journey on a vessel, such as like Engelbert Humperdinck’s dinghy.

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  1. Rich

    “Such as like”. Really?

  2. Red Forman

    Makes a brother thirsty.

  3. Gary

    I want to believe.

  4. tastes like salty tears

    this sentence is false

  5. Cordell

    “See you in court”

  6. BrianH

    Scary clowns are trending.

  7. EdW

    I’m Bond. James Bond.

  8. Dark Chimp

    We’re all dead now.

  9. Briggs

    From reader Vince (who apparently has trouble posting):

    Loose chops lip syncs.

    (Secondly, To the troll, thanks.)

  10. Emily Z.

    I wear sunglasses nocturnally.

  11. Milton Hathaway

    I did build that.

  12. DAV

    Being Hot is Cool

  13. Ronaldo

    Make America great again

  14. Gary

    Tastes Great; Less Filling.

  15. Gary

    Address me “Your Yakiness.”

  16. Sander van der Wal

    Read my lips: taxes.

  17. Dean Ericson

    Humperdinck’s monkey humped Humperdinck.

  18. Dean Ericson

    That was quite a challenge our host posed. After much fruitless thrashing it was clear to me that nothing could possibly trump “Humperdinck”*. Briggs knows a certainty (and an uncertainty) when he sees it. So I see your “Humperdinck’s dinghy”, Briggs, and raise you a doubled Humperdinck with a humped monkey on top. So, that’s Engelbert Humperdinck’s dinghy? Yeah, well Humperdinck’s monkey humped Humperdinck!

    By the way, for the salacious minded, the humping monkey actually refers to that incident when Humperdinck was playing Vegas — I’m referring to the sixties knock-off Humperdinck and not the original 19th century opera Humperdinck, of course — and Humperdinck collapsed (likely from the heat combined with a deluge of perfumed underwear pelted onstage by frenzied females) whereupon a monkey member of the onstage band — this was a chimpanzee trained to play the base guitar, while dressed in black tie and sporting a silk top hat — and the monkey promptly knuckled over to Humperdinck, tossed him on his monkey back, and carried him — “humped” him — offstage.

    *A pity the president’s name isn’t “Humperdinck Trump”.

  19. Emily Z.

    All hail President Trumperdink!

  20. Gary

    Say a few syllables.

  21. Gary-in-Erko

    I didn’t write this.

  22. Gary

    Let’s steal Churchill’s toilet.

  23. Gary

    We have a winner!

  24. BillyT

    Not on my dime.

  25. BillyT

    Something’s in my jello!

  26. BB

    Liquid Helium exhibits superfluidity.

    Engelbert Humperdinck might be cool, but he would be far cooler after being dipped in some Liquid Helium (not that I would recommend that).

  27. Danny D

    Why only four words?

  28. Gary

    Wolverines devoured my fingertips.

  29. Gary

    To the Moon, Alice!

  30. Yonason

    Are we there yet?

  31. Jim

    Judy, Judy, Judy, Shame!

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