We Have -12 Months To SAVE THE PLANET

We Have -12 Months To SAVE THE PLANET

There is a typo in the title. Not the negative. That’s supposed to be there. We really do have negative time to save the planet.

The typo, or rather inaccuracy, is in the “12”. I made it up. It’s in the ballpark; it’s not off by an order of magnitude or anything dramatic. I had to pick a number, and -12 looks good in a headline. Call the exaggeration in certainty artistic license.

Back in the late 1970’s we only had a decade, maybe two, to SAVE THE PLANET. Then in the late 1980s, we had only five years, perhaps ten if we were lucky, to SAVE THE PLANET.

In the 1990s conditions had, as we all remember, grown worse. The time was short. We had, tops, three years to SAVE THE PLANET.

By the naughties, the tipping point had been breached. It was then we only had moments, seconds, even, to SAVE THE PLANET.

The teens came and went. It was about 2012 we entered into negative numbers. We had only -1 year, or thereabouts, to SAVE THE PLANT.

It’s now a handful of days to 2020, where a good estimate is that we have, as the title suggests, only -12 years to SAVE THE PLANET.

Clearly, with that amount of time left, the only rational response is abject, terror-stricken panic. I myself like to run up First avenue on Wednesday afternoons in my shorts screaming “Watch the skies!” Unfortunately, this kind of thing is not a rare site in New York, so people don’t pay much attention. My efforts are doing little to SAVE THE PLANET.

Running amok would not be out of the question. Perhaps a killing spree would wake people up. Well, wake up the people you didn’t kill. But that goes without saying.

This isn’t just me, you understand. There’s a lot of really smart people who agree that we only have -12 years, or thereabouts, to save the planet.

Take the cabal—if cabal is the word I want—of university employees in England who have written an open letter to their colleagues about SAVING THE PLANET.

Humanity stands at the brink of a precipice. If we do not urgently address climate breakdown and the ecological crisis, the very future of life on earth is in question. David Attenborough has said “We cannot be radical enough” in tackling the climate crisis, and the people are listening.

The climate has broken down. It did so about twelve years ago. We don’t even have a working climate now. What’s going on outside even our best scientists don’t know.

Anyway, it’s obvious, even to celebrities, even to an intellect like David Attenborough’s, that “We cannot be radical enough” to SAVE THE PLANET. So go ahead and run amok! Set fire to something! Kidnap somebody famous! Take hostages at your local TV station!

Don’t bother making house payments or fixing the car. Give the money to some mega charity dedicated to SAVING THE PLANET instead. They’ll know how to use your money better than you do. Their wintertime fact-finding to Monte Carlo are making great strides to fixing the climate crisis.

WARNING Ladies and farm animals should look away until after the next quotation:

Universities are the bastions of wisdom and knowledge that are urgently needed to combat the climate crisis.

Those whose spleens are still intact after reading that may continue to this next sentence:

The impacts of climate change are being felt more rapidly than predicted

Now an ordinary, mostly sober reader would take that as an admission (a very common one) that climatologists don’t know their business. If they can’t make good predictions, they have no idea how the atmosphere really works.

But the only kind of person who would make that point is a person who does not want to SAVE THE PLANET.

Speaking on sobriety:

As the United Nations warns that climate crisis-related disasters are happening at a rate of one a week, the risk we face is that impacts may soon run away from us with changes too swift and unpredictable to mitigate.

Once a week! Dude, that’s, like, a lot of climate crisis-related disasters in just one year. I did the math: 52. My calculator broke, or I’d do two a week. And two a week is surely around the corner.

The work starts now to transform our world into a sustainable, safe and fair place for our children to thrive — the Great Transition.

Wait. How’d we get from climate emergency, and less than -12 years to SAVE THE PLANET, to making the world a “fair place”?

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  1. Give us complete control over every aspect of everything! Because climate something something. Polar bears!

  2. Not one single prediction made by this entire fear mongering industrial complex has ever come true. Not one single idea that has been floated to deal with the emergency, would ever fix the problem.

  3. trigger warning

    The very idea that the international organization that sparked a cholera epidemic to earthquake-stricken Haiti, or the government eek!ological bureaucracy that wrecked a retaining dam and released millions of gallons of heavy-metal laden water into the Animas River, should be trusted to “save the planet” on any schedule whatsoever, no matter how flexible or remote, is patently insane. The employees of those organizations are barely suited to the task of powerwashing human fecal matter off Pelosiville streets, and if justice were done would be involuntarily confined to the Tittering Ward in the Bates Motel and Rest Home.

  4. Yonason

    “The impacts of climate change are being felt more rapidly than predicted “ – Warmunistas
    Figure 3

    “Figure 3 shows the variations in temperature in Boston over a one month period. The dark blue bars show the actual range of temperatures for each day. The dark gray bars show the climatological range of temperatures for that date, and the light gray bars show the range between the record-breaking low and record-breaking high for that date. In the middle is a red line. The width of that line corresponds to the range of temperature in the global mean temperature anomaly record for the past 175 years. This shows that the temperature change that we are discussing is small compared to our routine sensual experience. Keep this in mind when someone claims to ‘feel’ global warming. – Richard Lindzen

    No wonder the warmists hate him.

  5. Gail Finke

    A crisis-related disaster every WEEK? I guess the old saying that”If you’re goign to say something preposterous, make it as preposterous as possible’ must be true. Surely someone, somewhere, has noticed that he would be hard-pressed to come up with even a handful of “crises” that could plausibly be considered such. But no. These are the same folks that also say the effects are being felt “more rapidly than predicted.” I seem to remember some extinction-level predictions that haven’t come true. Maybe it’s because MORE drastic effects have distracted me? Hmmmm….

  6. We want a sustainable and fair climate emergency!

    Get your priorities straight, bucko!

  7. DAV

    George Carlin said it best

    We’re so self-important. Everybody’s gonna save something now: “Save the trees! Save the bees! Save the whales! Save those snails!” and the greatest arrogance of all: “Save the planet!” What?! … there is nothing wrong with the planet… The planet is fine! Compared to the people, THE PLANET IS DOING GREAT … The planet isn’t going anywhere…The planet will be here, we’ll be long gone


  8. Frederich

    The Club of Rome clearly articulated their plan to totally control the world
    in their 1972 document ‘The Limits to Growth’, it’s no secret and they
    have a follow up document ‘Climate Emergency Plan’ which anyone can
    read online. They’re hiding in plain sight and have had the world dancing
    on a pin for 60 years. The goal higher taxes, higher energy costs, limited mobility for the masses, urbanization of the masses, stymied growth in the
    developing world, vast tracts of undeveloped land; no go zones as their private reserves. What’s changed nothing has changed it’s the same old feudal model
    dressed up in pseudo scientific terminology to curtail growth and weaken
    the population to a subservient/substandard level of existence with the added bonus of premature death. These are the same people who erected the Georgia
    Guide Stones which clearly spell out the brave new world they have envisioned for those pesky unrepentant deplorable s.

  9. Amateur Brain Surgeon

    Saving the planet is no big deal.

    American scientists were sophisticated enough to fake a moon landing that fooled even Julia Childs and if NASA puts its former white minds to it, it can fire off some rockets (the ones that get blowed-up don’t count), and in a year or so it can hire Ken Burns to do a PBS special about how NASA saved the Climate by blowing-up part of the sun and as he finishes speaking a chorus line of Rockettes begin dancing, confetti starts falling, and then a smiling Neil deGrasse Tyson arrives with a push broom…

  10. C-Marie

    Responsibility! Responsibility!! Responsibility!!!
    Climate change, Climate Warming, Climate Chilling, Climate Cooling,
    Or is it the seeds of intellects not sprouting
    In the right places???

    “Who is responsible for the demise of our fair planet?”
    asked the fox of the hare as they greeted each other.
    “Why we are,” said the hare to the fox as they faced off.
    “No, no,” said the fox, “tis the fault of the seeds.”

    “Of the seeds,” said the hare, “how can that be?”
    “Well,” said the fox, “they have fallen in the wrong places,
    And now the earth is suffering climate everything, everywhere.”
    “But what has that to do with us?” asked the hare of the fox.

    “Well, you see,” said the fox, “the people do say,
    that there are only 12 years until doomsday,
    And their “theys” are never wrong, are they?”
    The hare was puzzled and the fox was puzzled.

    “This all makes no sense,” said the hare to the fox,
    “And I agree,” said the fox to the hare.
    And so do you, I expect, who are reading this.
    So the two of them went back to their interrupted face-off.

    God bless, C-Marie

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