Trump Up North

Trump Up North

The truck and trailer took up a good chunk of main street. It was blasting 70s disco. Flags festooned the one-float parade fore and aft.

It was a party.

Pickup trucks and cars, not officially part of the one-truck parked parade, drove by and honked. Some had the Stars and Stripes sticking out their windows, and some the Thin Blue Line flag. People have these things Up North. I even saw a lawn sign touting a candidate who called himself a conservative. People walked by and smiled. Thumbs ups, waves, smiles.

Except from the only second floor apartment downtown, right across the street. Some twenty-somethings were frowning hard. Yells of “Boo!” and “Go home!” Which was rich, because these were almost certainly summer renters escaping Chicago for a weeka. The truck was home, they weren’t.

This was the Trump Unity float, a roaming parade and part of the Trump Unity Bridge and their Summer 2020 Build The Bridge tour. This isn’t the original tour, but the summer expanded one. If you’re Up North try and find them.

They’ll be making stops at various cities, but with scheduled “one-hour stops” at all the wineries and breweries along the way.

Might be hard to find them, though, since the schedule was already far off kilter because they had a liberal interpretation—their only one—of how long the “one hour” stops lasted.

If you do see them, you won’t have any trouble recognizing them. Look for crowds of the exact opposite kind of people who would attend a BLM riot.

The tour pays for itself by selling t-shirts, hats, that sort of thing. Maybe a bit pricey, but it’s for the cause. You can always stop by their store downstate, or go to the website.

The cops came by and made them shut off the music after the kids complained—a complete inversion of the natural order. They didn’t let it get to them.

I told the guy running the concessions I’d give them a shout out. That’s when he shoved a fist-full of Trump Bucks into my hands (pictured above). I’m thinking of taking them to Harvard and using them to buy tuition for some struggling student.

A lady asked the clerk did they have any Wish-nik troll socks, the kind with Trump’s hair in place of the usual wild troll hair. Clerk said they had, but they had all sold out at fifteen dollars a pair. The lady said she saw the socks downstate at a different shop, but they had them for forty five.

She wanted to wear them around her sister-in-law. Turns out this sister-in-law was visiting at Christmas. After the fourth day of the visit Trump’s name was mentioned in a favorable way. The sister-in-law became incensed and left that very day in a huff.

The lady laughed and laughed recalling it. She wanted the socks for the next time her sister-in-law came by.

It was getting late, the crowd subsiding. They said they’d soon close up shop and push on further North. But first, was that brewpub up the street any good?

I said it was.

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  1. john b()

    I don’t know about any one else

    I needed this

  2. Joy

    Excuse me sir,Briggs, I clicked on your “70’s disco, link and discovered on some man’s Twitter feed who’s pretending to be a SGT:

    A man in a swimming costume! Not dissimilar to Borrat’s mankini’
    Googled them and made a close study of the photos

    Women have nothing to worry about

    It’s not a nice swimsuit either

    It got a lot of clicks though! I was one of them
    Curiosity killed the cat

  3. Uncle Mike

    Our Matt escapes from the urban malestroming cesspool and visits Real America! Atta boy! Nice out here, isn’t it? We have some stupid goobers, but otherwise most folks are really nice, eh what?

    Did you notice the abundance of American flags? Old Glory is waving all over. Plenty of Trump signs. And you met some nice cops! We have those and we like them. Hey, people were laughing! None of that Big City angry viciousness.

    It’s a very nice Country once you get out of Doomsday Megalopolis. You can breathe here. Good food, too — gardens are bursting. Try some fresh blueberries if you can find them. We’ve been eating gallons. Helps with the regularity and all those antioxidant ionophore flavonoids might help stave off the Commie Crud.

    Welcome back. We missed you.

  4. Kathleen

    It is waaaay more sane up north!

    We head up to the north-east portion of the mitten. It’s a poor section of the state in comparison to the west side. But now that it’s becoming increasingly demonstrated that the well-to-do are exceedingly vulnerable to indoctrination by the commies, I’m thinking it might have been a blessing that put us in that portion of the state. Very down to earth and sensible people as far as this day and age. And there is a TLM in Gaylord if they ever get it back up and running.

    And there is a lot of very open and enthusiastic Trump support all over up there. It’s refreshing. Downstate is like living in the belly of the beast.

    Settling in a modest area as far away from urban centers as possible is looking more appealing every day.

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