Catholics Can Certainly Vote For Joe Biden

Catholics Can Certainly Vote For Joe Biden

Lot of discussion out in the wilds and thickets of the interwebs about whether Catholics can vote for Joe “Who Am I?” Biden.

Many say Catholics cannot vote for Biden, others insist Catholics can vote for him. The angst and acrimony over this question is thick.

Friends! Enemies! This is not difficult! Ex-Staff Sergeant Briggs is here to sort it out for you and give you the one clear answer.

Consider Al Capone. He once walked into a bar and grabbed some miscreant by the lapel—this was back when men still knew how to dress, mind you: now he’d have to grab the guy by his label: think about it—and unloaded his gun into the miscreant’s shorts. Capone did this in full view of many who were sitting peaceably and rightly and actively scoffing at Prohibition.

Capone was a Catholic. Catholics, therefore, can not only take an illegal but necessary drink, they can shoot people in public.

Pope Alexander VI began his reign in the same year the kiddies no longer learn Columbus sailed the ocean blue. By all accounts Alex was a supreme hound dog. Of a Sunday, when he was supposed to be celebrating mass, he was out on the trail sniffing for his many mistresses. Managed to sire quite a stable of poplettes, too.

You might be surprised to learn that Popes were once Catholic. Well, there is nothing more Catholic than a Pope defecating in the woods, as the saying goes. Catholics, therefore, can father broods with mistresses and employ nepotism.

Even progressives agree that man has invented no more efficient way to move bodies from above to below ground than to institute as the state religion international socialism, also called communism. Theodore Maly did his unlevel best to spread this error of Russia to the rest of the world.

He was the guy who corrupted and oversaw the men in the Cambridge Five, spies at the top of the UK government who did much more than their part at sinking what remained of the British Empire after World War II. All became KGB heroes.

Maly was a priest. A Catholic priest. Catholics, therefore, can become spy masters, seek world domination, and be complicit in mass murder.

This was under Old Uncle Joe. Not our Joe. Theirs. Stalin was, I believe, Orthodox, which is as close as one “and the Son” to being Catholic. So, almost-Catholics can order mass famines and build gulags.

I can do no better than to quote Wikipedia about Hans Schmidt, whom you might not have heard of. “Even in childhood, Schmidt combined a deep religious devotion with bisexual promiscuity and a fascination with drinking blood and dismembering animals.” These things are often found together: perversion and gore.

“Hans once beheaded two of his parents’ geese and kept the severed heads in his pocket. He also frequented the village slaughterhouse daily, where he would watch the death and dissection of farm animals with rapt fascination.”

Not only all that, but he became a Catholic priest. He diddled a parishioner named Anna on a high altar (did we just hear of this in the news?) and then he, I quote, “slashed Anna’s throat while she slept, drank her blood, raped her as she bled to death, dismembered her body, and threw the pieces from a ferry into the Hudson River.”

This was in the days before Pride when priests of Schmidt’s proclivities had to practice their hobbies in secret.

Well, we already know Catholic priests are Catholic, from which we deduce Catholics can conduct satanic rituals and pollute rivers.

Pride, of course, is what allows all those Catholics priests of modern times to martinize each other and the altar boys. The term, I believe, is named after James Martin, SJ. Therefore, introducing altar boys to martinizing is something Catholics can do.

Joe Biden is Catholic. He’s for the idea of allowing babies to partly pop out of their mothers, which allows certified doctors to do to the babies what Schmidt did to Anna, activities which in turn drive QAnon conspiracy theories.

Catholics, therefore, can post weird adrenochrome memes to Twitter. WWG1WGA—to the voting booth!

If Catholics can do all the things spoken of here, and you, dear reader, are Catholic, you can certainly vote for Joe Biden.

You’re welcome.

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  1. Michael Dowd

    The big difference is that in the past bad Catholics did things Church considered bad. Now, since Vatican II and Bergoglian Catholicism, the bad things of the past are no longer considered bad and often good.

    Let us hope and pray that God straightens out Church leadership soon.

  2. Peter Morris

    Ah so it’s like my old man says. The question is not “could” but “should.”

  3. Amateur Brain Surgeon

    Dear Briggs. Men use LOL when it is not apt. It is apt here. Kudos. Funny as hell

  4. Sheri

    Michael: Agreed. Morality has been redefined (actually, dumped, but that’s considered mean to say) now even within the church. There were always misbehaving Catholics. It’s just that they were called “misbehaving”, not fine leaders. It makes me sad that the churches have gone so far to the dark side.

  5. John B()

    Nothing like a good Swiftian style post on a Wednesday morning

  6. Jerry

    The photo of Joe with the cone is LOL funny.

  7. L Ron Hubbard alias John B()

    Re: Theodore Maly – does he count?
    I lost my faith in God and when the revolution broke out I joined the Bolsheviks. I broke with my past completely. I was no longer a Hungarian, a priest, a Christian, even anyone’s son. I became a Communist and have always remained one

    Re: Hans Schmidt
    You missed the bit: Schmidt then returned to St. Joseph’s Church, offered Mass and administered Holy Communion as though nothing had happened.

    Re: James Martin, SJ
    Do Jesuits really count?

  8. Dean Ericson

    This is a great one, Dr. B. — a cornucopia of curiosities served with tangy relish.

    One of the incidental delights here is a fine painting of St. Elizabeth of Hungary by Edmund Leighton, shown, oddly, on Father Schmidt’s wiki page. Fine painter. Here is a scene, by Leighton, of life-to-be in the coming Restoration.

  9. Dean Ericson

    Sorry, something wonky with those links.

  10. John B()

    Yeah saw they take one back to Briggs’ home page

    But yes, Hans Schmidt was ordained by St Elizabeth of Hungary

    And to answer my previous question, I guess Jesuits count as long as Francis is or isn’t pope

  11. Flea

    Mugabe, long reigning President of Zimbabwe, singlehandedly destroyed the verdant breadbasket of Africa. Millions suffered, starved, fled, lost everything.
    He assisted daily at the holy sacrifice of the Mass.

  12. Uncle Mike

    I get the wry humor but am not amused. The real contemporary situation is this: it’s all about abortion. It has been for a long time. A commie takeover over of the US is unlikely, but further mass abortions are guaranteed.

    There have been 65 million abortions since Roe v. Wade in this country alone. That’s a horrendously big number of murdered innocent souls. It’s 10 times the number of people Adolf put to death.

    Six in ten black pregnancies end in abortion. Abortion clinics are placed in inner city black neighborhoods on purpose. The purpose is genocide. It always has been the purpose since Margaret Sanger founded Planned Parenthood.

    Joe Dementia doesn’t know what he’s doing, but his handlers do. There is no issue more important to them than continuing the slaughter of babies.

    Catholics should not vote for that. Nor should any Christians. Nor should any Jews, Muslims, Hindus, or Buddhists. Nor should atheists. There is no justification, no rationalization, no excuse, no moral argument in favor of mass abortion. The soul of the nation as well as your own soul hangs in the balance. Do the right thing — the just, honorable, humane, and good thing: do not vote for mass murderers.

  13. Amateur Brain Surgeon

    But yes, Hans Schmidt was ordainedby St Elizabeth of Hungary

    Dear John. That in a lie of Dick Blumenthalian proportions.

  14. L Ron Hubbard alias John B()


    Since Briggs report on Hans came from WikiPedia, I simply reported the odd bits he skipped (Dean had reported that he found it curious to find the painting of St Elizabeth on his WikiPedia page)

    Hans is the one who claimed the ordination – I didn’t mean to convey that I supported or believed that idea.
    I thought I was being ironic.

    It’s right up there with Joseph Smith Jr and Oliver Crowley being baptized by John the Baptist and having the Aaronic Priesthood conferred on them by John

    Not sure Blumenthal claiming Vietnam service rises to the level of those guys (unless there are other lies by Dick that you refer to)

  15. John B()

    I guess that would be Cowdery

  16. Dean Ericson

    Oh-oh, Hilter’s in the house. Keep your arms down.

  17. Ann Cherry

    What a clever column today, very well done. Of course, what many Christians are saying, really, is that while we CAN vote for Biden, we oughtn’t, or even, we mustn’t. Why do so many Protestant church leaders and Catholic Bishops and priests support left-wingers who advocate baby-killing and other bad things?

    Not only “can” we Catholics vote for Biden, our U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) seems to think we should. The Lepanto Institute posted a study about how USCCB’s (wholly-owned?) subsidiary, Catholic Campaign for Human Development (CCHD), via its little subsidiary “Faith in Action” (which goes by many local names, but its name is Legion), is blatantly campaigning for Biden, totally against all rules except theirs, of course. Link here:

    All of this commie leftism and globalism, emanating from our Holy Mother Church, just stinks to High Heaven.

    In the latest noxious emission from Rome, Francis is making great waves about the Evils of Capitalism, while his own and various Vatican bank accounts go missing a cool half billion, with a “B”, when you count it all up. Apparently, some of that went to Australia, to fund the framing and attempted destruction of Cardinal Pell, who was taking his accounting job at the Vatican far too seriously.

    It’s always good to follow the money and ask who benefits, Cui bono. I read something awhile back, that a whopping 40% of USCCB funding comes from various “refugee resettlement” organizations, both in and out of government. We are talking hundreds of millions of dollars, every year, during the height of the Obama years, flowing into USCCB accounts.

    That might account for our Church’s staunch support of human trafficking ahem….”refugee and migrant assistance and resettlement” and may explain their support for open borders candidate Joe Biden.

  18. Sylvain Allard

    Where does the bible say that you should separate and steal children from there parents?

    If you vote for Trump you are no better than Hans Schmidt.

  19. Ann Cherry

    Well, Sylvain, the sad truth is, when parents break the law, they are almost always separated from their children for a time. Breaking into our country illegally, is in fact, breaking the law. Legal refugees are handled very differently, and have no need for underground resettlement services.

    In the case of our southern border, most of the “separated children” you hear about, are unaccompanied minors, meaning, teenage boys, many of them gang members. Many others, as many as 100,000 children per year are brought across our border for sex trafficking.

    We also can’t overlook the massive amount of deadly drugs coming across our southern border, which ought to be considered chemical warfare and treated as such.

    Using your same logic, Sylvain, a vote for Biden is a vote for 70,000 drug overdoses per year in this country, cross-border sex trafficking, and then we may as well hand our country over to China, because they already own SloJo and his family.

  20. Dean Ericson

    ”Where does the bible say that you should separate and steal children from there parents?”

    Same place it says you should abort them.


    ”If you vote for Trump you are no better than Hans Schmidt.”

    Trump used to be Hitler, but now he’s only Hans Schmidt — maybe next he’ll be Albert Schweitzer.

    And then St. Donaldus Magnus.

  21. Sylvain Allard

    @dean Ericson

    Can you provide the verse?

  22. Stig


    Child separations peaked in 2012. I can’t remember who was Vice President then but he should have done something about it.

    In fact, the famous picture that started the recent child separation hysteria was originally published in the Arizona Republic in 2014. I do recall back in 2014 many people in this region wringing their hands about child separations but being ignored by the administration and national media.

    Later on, after child separations plummeted, the media and their drones on the left became hysterical about the issue. I wonder why?

    Did you know that Canada separates immigrant children for six months? And all other countries have some sort of separation?

    Did you know that parents are free to turn back or leave, thereby not being separated from their kids?

    Did you know that many of the kids show up alone? And that many who come with an adult show know relationship to the adult when DNA testing is done (child trafficking)?

    Learn, Sylvain, learn. Stop being so emotional.

  23. Sylvain Allard

    Ann Cherry,

    « Breaking into our country illegally, is in fact, breaking the law. »

    They actually did nothing different than what your ancestors did. Except they came on foot and yours ancestors by boat.

    You first stole the land from America’s First Nation, killing millions in the process.

    Only in the 1880’s did immigration laws first appeared. Laws that never existed before.

    Their supposed crime that justify for you the scarring of children and destruction of family is a very poor excuse. Excuses that only religious fanatics can believe. Of course, it doesn’t matter that the migrants are faithful Christians.

  24. Phileas_Frogg


    The land was sometimes conquered, sometimes bought (and quickly reneged upon by the sellers), but usually just walked into and occupied because there were no people living there in any meaningful sense. Such things will happen when a people operating on stone-age technology and semi-nomadic hunter-gatherer social norms see their population get reduced by 90% due to disease in a matter of a hundred years. You’re literally combining one of the least efficient modes of human life, in terms of space and population density, with a demographic catastrophe.

    This nonsense about the Native American genocide needs to stop. Yes, the United States government has been woefully unfair and unjust to the Native people as times, The Kinzua Dam, the breaking of the Treaties with the Five Civilized Tribes, etc, and many actions certainly qualify as ethnic cleansing, but to pretend that this country was somehow the product of a successful Operation Barbarossa followed by Lebensraum is sheer fantasy.

  25. Bobcat

    Catholics can vote for Joe Biden? Oh sure, considering that Biden has dementia and can’t even keep track of whether he’s running for the Senate or for the presidency. But hey, that’s the democrat party for you these days. The party is fine with picking a presidential candidate that isn’t even mentally competent enough to be president. And Kamala Harris, Biden’s VP candidate, is a real dipstick. She has had a bad history of blocking evidence for persons in prison and death row back when she was the DA in San Francisco and AG in California. Don’t know why anyone would vote democrat these days whether they’re Catholic or not.

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