It’s their own fault. There they were, accompanying Others (a fine ecumenical activity) on their Spiritual Journeys, when a large group of German priests wandered, surely by accident, onto the felt-banner-strewn Synodal Path. Is it any surprise, then, that many developed a raging case of synodality?
You might laugh, but just you try genuflecting with inflamed synods. Ouch isn’t in it.
Instead of treating this dread disease early, as the best Doctors of the Church advise, they exacerbated it by trying to do theology. In German.
In this theology, the very first word they started with was the 25-letter monstrosity—ladies, avert your eyes—Geschlechtergerechtigkeit, which means gender equality or justice.
This word began a thirty-page marathon on the subject of “Women in Ministries and Offices in the Church“, issued by the German Synodal Assembly, which is, as this source says, “the supreme decision-making body of the Synodal Way”. This is the place where folks not only suffer from synodality, they practice it. In public.
Apparently, these synodalians are unhappy the Catholic Church, even after so much progress since Vatican II, still will not allow men to become nuns.
Discriminatory you say? Well, it sure is. Not only are men denied (good) habits, but Muslims can’t be priests. Children are barred from becoming bishops. And there can still can be only one Pope at a time—even though folks can disagree on who this might be.
This blatant dogmatic behavior irks the synodalians. They want the Church to abandon its old ways and become fully Synodal, a term “for which there ain’t no English word” (to quote Little Big Man). Their synods being saturated with Synodalic Spirit, which, as we’ll see, causes a swelling in the loins, the Germans insist on Geschlechtergerechtigkeit.
It’s not clear what Geschlechtergerechtigkeit will do for the Church, beyond increasing gendertheoretische Reflexionen (don’t be lazy: sound it out). They see this as a good thing. But many are concerned too much gendertheoretische Reflexionen would lead to a tremendous boost in academic German theological theory. If there is one lesson History has taught us, it’s the nobody needs more academic German theological theory.
As you know, if synodality is not treated it becomes chronic. It can then lead sufferers to an abnormal fascination with the human anus. Scientists are not sure why this is so, but it is a well documented symptom of the disease.
As one medical professional reported on the Synod of Synodality:
The German Synod voted on Saturday (161 yes, 34 no, 11 abstentions) to concoct a rite of “blessing” for homosexuals and adulterers and to allow these groups to do paid work for the Church.
It’s not exactly clear what “paid work” these homosexuals and adulterers will do for the Church, but as that subject is rather frightening to contemplate, we’ll let it pass. I can in my role of Statistician to the Stars! verify that 34 out of 206 is only 17%, a very low number.
One of the chief synodaliticians and architects of the Synodal Way is Cardinal Reinhard Marx. He said there needs to be a “re-evaluation” in what the Church thinks about men masturbating into the rectums of other men. Right now, the Church is against it, and explains its opposition in the Catechism.
Yet “the Catechism,” synodulated Marx, “is not the Koran. It is always being changed.”
Constancy is one thing the Muslims have up on the Church, I suppose.
Marx has successfully synodalized others, such as Stuttgart City Dean Christian Hermes. He’s also for increasing the number of men who explore other men’s anuses. And he professes to find Biblical support for this idea, too. He said, “Jesus, when asked about the most important commandment, referred to love and not to the sixth commandment.”
It’s not clear to Yours Truly, or presumably to the 17%, what love has to do with anal prolapses and AIDS. But then I have never been down the Synodal Path.
One man who apparently has is Robert Mickens, who is positively gushing with, well, synodality that the Church is going to abandon its dogma, fath, and traditions and become full blown Episcopalians, only gayer.
He synodulated, “The Roman Church, despite the major doctrinal shifts that resulted from the Second Vatican Council, continues to be hampered by the anachronistic structure and ethos of monarchism” which “will eventually collapse if it is not reformed.”
Where by reformed he meant synodalized.
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