Top 10 Fireworks Safety First! Tips

Happy Fourth of July!

Here are your Safety First! tips for blowing off fireworks.

1. Take plenty of matches: propane blowtorches are ideal.

2. Hurl the bottle rocket at your victim just before the fuse hits the fuselage. If you merely aim it from a bottle, it won’t hit with sufficient force. Practice until you time the bang and impact perfectly.

3. Firecrackers under occupied chairs is a classic. But don’t be an amateur. Wait until your victim has a full drink.

4. Launch your attacks from behind a screen of smoke bombs.

5. Roman candle tag never grows old. Use two to develop a devastating crossfire.

6. Have plenty of beer on hand. Use anything with “Light”, “Lite”, “Session” or “Milwaukee” on the can to douse any hair that flames up.

7. Spent sparklers make excellent hotfoots. What most don’t know is that they retain their heat long after they are spent.

8. Test any unknown calibre firework on the nearest lawyer.

9. “Hold this.”

10. Read this list to your wife or mother using a serious tone and while checking your stock and the workings of your lighter.

Have fun!

Categories: Fun

8 replies »

  1. Ha-ha! — what a blast! Hey, hold my beer…. watch this… [sticks rocket in mouth like cigar, lights fuse… KABLAMMO!—BOOM!—BOOM!—BOOM!!!!!!!!!] [Smoking, blackened, Wile E. Coyote grin…] — freedumb! happy Fourth, patriots. Where’s my beer?

  2. LOL. Excellent advice for a conservative Supreme Court Justice. Aim at the lefty protesters from your front door or from the upstairs bedroom window. Happy 4th y’all!

  3. In ever-safety-first California when I was a kid in the ’60s we found ways to make our “Safe and Sane” fireworks more fun. We’d crimp the Piccolo Pete whistlers with pliers near the bottom, so when they burned down that far they’d explode like a large firecracker. There was a cylindrical thing called a “dragon” that was supposed to sit on the ground and shoot up sparks. We discovered that if you held it it a throwing position, arm back, and had another kid light the fuse, and timed the throw just right, it would fly across the neighborhood like a flaming rocket! One time one of them curved back, bounced off the neighbor’s garage door, and zipped around their driveway, leading their squealing daughters a merry dance. Then there were the strings of firecrackers my dad would bring back from Texas. If we pestered him enough, he’d occasionally hand out an M-80. Even in the “abundance of caution” state, it was possible for a kid to have fun on the 4th with a bit of imagination.

  4. Fireworks Safety Tips- LOL!!!!…loved it -much needed laugh this morning……fellow Detroit girl…Susan

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