Hello, dear readers. Long time no see. Welcome to the New Year.
Today, I submit to you a white paper on a master list of forbidden words (which the mailman delivered today) Americans should never use, compiled by a red team of effeminate woke uppity Stanford academics.
Incidentally, the list does not, contrary to rumor, begin with a trigger warning. Maybe they didn’t have the manpower to put it in. But I believe the man in charge said about the warning “No can do“.
Some of you will doubtless feel gyped over this. But the rule of thumb in approaching any academic writing is to expect the tone deaf. Anyway, the lack of a warning is nothing to commit suicide over.
I thought it well to use this seminal Forbidden Words list to infer what we could about its authors. Do some detective work. I didn’t want to be a slave to any strict methodology, and I’m no sociology guru. This isn’t a blinded study or anything: the review is therefore informal.
Still, our investigation isn’t entirely crippled—I wasn’t going to abort because of lack of rigor, recalling there’s more than one way to skin a cat. And as a special sanity check, I had the post checked for the standard typos my enemies usually insert.
You guys in the peanut gallery will enjoy this. So let’s pull the trigger and get going! Geronimo!, as they say.
After reading the list, I discern the Word Banning Committee must have had a chairman, or even chairwoman, of exceptional fragility. Somebody had to watch over the group cracking the whip.
I don’t think the committee suffered from too many chiefs, and not enough indians, not enough braves, if you follow me, because the list is as exclusive as they could make it.
I’d guess the panel of authors was comprised of a few crazy walk-in freshmen, mixed in with with possibly senile grey-beards. Plus a good share of mentally ill ladies and dumb DIE deans.
There had to be at least one Karen, even the odd gentlemen or two. Given Diversity concerns, surely there were people of color—excuse me, African Americans—maybe some transgendered for spice. They would have been desperate for a hermaphrodite for bragging rights, but there aren’t enough to go around, like blacks at New York law firms.
In other words, no hicks and no hillbillies and certainly no normal
person: just the standard academic tribe using tribal knowledge .
I’m guessing they started their pow wow by Zooming in and announcing their “preferred” pronouns. (Honestly, they wouldn’t have the balls not to
.) Maybe it was stand up meeting or a brown bag instead. I’m not sure. Likely they started slow, then went balls to the wall, real gangbusters. Because the list is huge.
Judging by how retarded the list is, and how stupid most of the entries, proves how handicapped their knowledge of the English language is.
The list is also tone deaf in many places, which reflects standard academic bias. The list is huge, so we infer a lot of man hours went into in this. Can you imagine the editing task? Likely assigned to the low man on the totem pole.
Some of the banned words are perplexing. Like homeless person and prostitute, which is very strange for people so accustomed to writing grants.
And can you believe they banned Philippine Islands? Lame. Somebody basket case with OCD must have made that call. Or maybe they were at it so long they became addicted to banning words.
If anybody at Stanford sees this post, I’ll be blacklisted for sure, even though I think I killed it. Well, I’ve always been a Black Sheep.
I can see it now. Pencil-necked soyboy and unnaturally colored hair professors on the warpath. They may be so incensed they’ll call their congressman—or maybe even congresswoman. And when they come from me these professors will all shout “Hip-hip
But I say, don’t be upset, let’s bury the hatchet and be friends!
If you haven’t already, think about donating. I have to hold down the fort here, pay off the webmaster (who just raised fees $5 a month), and feed the landlord after all. And he can be one angry man. At least I think it’s a he. Could be a she. I’d like to know, because I like to call a spade a spade.
And these days you never really do know: “zer” could be a shemale or a tranny, or even, Lord help us, straight. I’d hate to get blackballed over using the wrong term.
All comments to this post must contain at least one forbidden word.
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