CONTEST: Preliminary Discussion of the “Best Internet Conspiracy Theory”

Best Internet Conspiracy Theory
This is the first posting preliminary to the announcement of an Official Contest to find the Best Internet Conspiracy Theory.

The Contest will be officially announced in about one week.

This contest is primarily a public service for those who contribute regularly to sites like,,, etc. Many of those people are forced to spend an inordinate amount of time concocting theories that neatly explain messy world events. This has led to an enormous increase in carpal tunnel and internet addition syndrome cases worldwide. Thus, we want to provide these overworked souls a handful of ready-made theories to which they can refer. The theories we have in mind are described in the contest rules below.

I will need help in publicizing this Contest, and may need help in judging entries, depending on how many I receive. Volunteers should email me: put “CONTEST” in the subject line.

A sketch of the rules is as follows:

(1) All entries must be shorter than 150 words. Shorter entries will receive more weight than longer ones.

(2) Entries—one per person—must be placed into the Comments Section of the Official Contest Post. No discussion will be allowed on that post; only Contest entries are allowed.

(3) All entries will be judged by the intrinsic awfulness, brevity, completeness of derangement, plausibility, specificity (names named), and potential appeal to the everyday, e.g., Digg reader.

(4) The Contest will last approximately two to three weeks.

(5) A prize, or prizes, to be decided later, will be announced.

(6) An example of an Internet Conspiracy Theory:

Certain scientists discovered a formula, derived from an alien artifact dug up in Area 51, for turning ordinary sea water into limitless, cheap fuel. Green Energies, a subsidiary of, based in the World Trade Center was about to sell this discovery and eliminate Global Warming, when the Oil Companies learned of it. Big Oil contacted George Bush, who ordered the Twin Towers destroyed before the secret could get out. Ron Paul found out about this and was going to expose the entire matter had he won the Republican Nomination, which he would have done except the Mainstream Media ignored him.

Please do NOT post any conspiracy theories now! Save them for the Contest.


  1. You’re running this? You link whore you! 🙂

  2. Briggs

    Lucia — I hadn’t heard the term “link whore” before, but, sure, hell yes. I’ll do most things for a buck.

  3. bbeeman

    Gheezh! It is hard to top a conspiracy with ExxonMobile and Ron Paul in the same paragraph!

  4. Rest assured, I meant it as a compliment. Now I need to think of the best conspiracy theory.

    In the tradition of link-whore contests, you should get an artistic friend to make a cute icon that contestants can post on their blog to announce they entered. Then, you can make another one they can post if they win.

  5. A buck? Sure.

    A link? Regroup.

    Like the header. Like the concept.

  6. Briggs

    I had to look this up: “A link whore is one who solicits links to her blog regularly or seems/is desperate to receive links to her blog.”

    Actually, however, I was trying to read for the past few months, and had to give up because every other link was something like “George Bush to be Impeached!!!” or “Obama has miracle cancer cure!!!” or “Global Warming blamed on Right Wing Conspiracy” or some such nonsense. So I thought I would try to come up with the best conspiracy.

    This will save a lot of people a lot of time, and free the internet from nonsense for all time.

  7. Briggs– So, will plausibility mean positive or negative points?

  8. DR

    I am looking forward to this because I was at the center of the conspiracy 🙂

    Unfortunately much of the information has been lost over time, but a good portion is still available on the WayBack Machine. It is a doozy of a story however, however 150 words might not cut it.

  9. Denny

    Boy Oh Boy!!! I’ve got my tinfoil hat ready and am ready to sniff chemtrails…….what a great idea!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *