Culture

Woke Meat Is Coming: Roast Cockroach & Other Impossible Delicacies

Children used to be able to see on TV crocodiles swallowing gazelles, lions gutting zebras, hyenas mangling lions, cougars beheading rabbits, wolves tearing into deer, bears doing to salmon what can’t be printed on a family site, giant river otters beating the snot–and innards—out of crocodiles, and vultures finishing off what was left.

Kiddies learned the timeless lesson that the purpose of vegetable-eating animals was to provide fresh meat for the hunters.

Buzzing Around

The site Not The Bee featured a video along these things recently.

An impala struggles to escape a crocodile, which is biting the impala’s leg. Much frantic thrashing in the water. The impala got pretty beat up.

But, just as it looked like the impala would side down the croc’s gullet, the croc released his jaw for a fraction of a second to get a better grip. In that moment, the impala was free!

It walked a few paces, shook its head, the relief evident on its scarred face.

That’s when a leopard sprang from the bushes and snapped its neck.

Now, you can’t say that that impala had a good life. Its death wasn’t pleasant. At least, it wasn’t to the impala. The leopard looked pretty satisfied. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Simple Math

Britannica says there’s about 700,000 leopards in Africa alone. And they say each makes about 20 kills a year, the meat from each kill being shared and parceled out over time.

You can do the math. Works out that tons of impalas, antelope, baboons and more are butchered annually. A lot of pain, a lot of blood. But many happy leopards, too.

To complete the math, we’d have to consider the butcher’s bill from the other predators. Such as man.

It’s man eating beasts that displeases many woke people.

Meat-Based Awokening

If we’re going to go woke and ban meat on the grounds that killing animals isn’t nice, we’re going to have an enormous effort ahead of us. Not only do we have to police forests, jungles, savannahs and oceans to ensure animals stop eating each other. We’re going to have to hire a boatload of chefs to serve up “impossible impalas” to hungry leopards and more, like we serve “impossible burgers” to woke Americans.

Woke meat is indeed a thing. Authors paint meat eating in harsh terms: “the gustatory and social pleasures of meat have been inextricably linked to the suffering and deaths of sentient creatures. That made it difficult to distinguish sadists from people who just craved the flavor of bacon.”

Gustatory Delights

One recommendation is to eat fake meat instead of actual meat. Either the stuff grown in Petri dishes, or the “impossible” meat cobbled together from yesterday’s salad, all concocted by “food scientists”.

I don’t know about you, but the thought of eating dishes designated by “food scientists” doesn’t set my taste buds soaring.

The other possibility is bug meat for bug men. A bug man is slang for the effeminate creatures we have become.

Time, like it does for most progressive causes, is pushing bug meat. Somehow, they say, forcing man, but not leopards and lions, to eat bugs will “save the planet.”

The good news is that, baring a black hole wandering into the solar system, or the sun unexpectedly going supernova, the planet is no danger whatsoever. It does not need saving.

Problem with bugs is that the woke don’t want to you to eat them like a man, roasting them on a stick over the fire, using the chitinous legs as toothpicks. No, sir. They’re too squeamish for that.

Instead, they dump the bodies of the wiggly creatures into a vat and pound them into a slurry. After additions of substances pronounceable only by “food scientists”, out pops something that bears no resemblance to a bug.

This process is supposed to make bug meat more palatable.

The Ultimate Authority

What does Scripture say?

He saw the heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending, as it were a great linen sheet let down by the four corners from heaven to the earth: Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts, and creeping things of the earth, and fowls of the air.

And there came a voice to him: Arise, Peter; kill and eat. But Peter said: Far be it from me; for I never did eat any thing that is common and unclean.

And the voice spoke to him again the second time: That which God hath cleansed, do not thou call common.

Fire up the grill and rejoice that this is not the woke answer.

An edited version of this post first appeared at The Stream.

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Categories: Culture

32 replies »

  1. “But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron, men who forbid marriage and advocate abstaining from foods which God has created to be gratefully shared II by those who believe and know the truth. For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified by means of the word of God and prayer” (1 Timothy 4:1-5).

  2. They will tax and regulate meat processors out of business and states will go along with it because of the effeminacy mentioned above. There will come a time that if you do not raise your own meat, you will pay extraordinary sums for it in the market. Then they will come for the people raising meat for their own reasons. No one recognizes that we are in a soft civil war and by the time they do, it will be too late. Red counties in blue states need to realign with red states. All laws from the feds need to be nullified. States need to stop paying federal taxes and call up the national guard. you do not think that federal background checks will be stopped in the future? You do not think that manufacturers of guns will not be taxed and regulated out of existence? Go get your vaccine passport and eat your bugs.. There is no strength left in the world of men…

  3. They don’t even pretend to hide their mammal surpemacy. Heaven forbid we lay so much as a finger on the precious Impala. But of course it’s open season on insects. Why? Because they look different? Because they are “other” their life has no meaning, no value? Bigots.

  4. The insidious Bill Gates is now leading proponent of the fake meat industry as well (amazing how this college sophomore dropout with no medical or scientific training pops up in the media everywhere now, and is treated as an expert in epidemiology, virology, vaccines, climate change, fake meat, etc. – when he’s not even really a computer software expert either, just a good marketer who was in the right place at the right time to scoop up the prototype of MSDOS and cut a shrewd deal with IBM) – and surprise, just like with vaccines, he has a financial interest in the fake meat industry as well! (though, as with his vaccine business, he tries to spin his interest in fake meat as an altruistic part of saving the planet). The wealthiest 20% of the world should be eating solely fake meat he says, and “you can get used to the taste” (as if taste were the only problem with lab-grown imitation meat!).

    In retrospect it was a mistake for the DOJ to go after Gates and Microsoft for anti-trust violations in the mid-to-late ’90s. The bad press and publicity was what drove him to create his foundation and re-brand himself as an altruistic philanthropist who only wants to save the world. The DOJ didn’t realize it was creating an even worse monster.

  5. JTLiuzza:

    “They don’t even pretend to hide their mammal supremacy. Heaven forbid we lay so much as a finger on the precious Impala. But of course it’s open season on insects. Why? Because they look different? Because they are “other” their life has no meaning, no value? Bigots.”

    Bloody bugophobes. I’m literally shaking.

  6. Welcome to APLAGUEOFLOCUSTS:

    May I tell you about our specials?
    Crunchy on the outside gooey on the inside, or crispy?
    Would you like to try our wings?
    Are termites still in season?
    What’s in the Birds Delight?
    Do you have a children’s menu?
    What wine goes best with the beetle burger?
    Does it come with lice?
    Our Chef studied entomology in Zurich
    Could I get a side of flys?
    Waiter the’re no bugs in my soup.
    What’s the most exotic thing on the menu?
    We source locally when possible
    Yes of course – many of our customers prefer chopsticks
    The place has been buzzing since we opened.
    Why are candles on the desserts menu?
    Iscream is not what you think.
    Can I get a half order of centipede?
    These flypaper menus are so easy to use
    Ask your waiter for a bugout bag

  7. Dennis:

    “The insidious Bill Gates […] is treated as an expert in epidemiology, virology, vaccines, climate change, fake meat…”

    The insidious Bill Gates is also a major vector for ID2020, a digital, biometric, and universal system for tagging all the livestock (us) on the Overlord’s plantation. Such a Renaissance man.

  8. Jan Van Betsuni —

    I’ll have the maggot stew, southern-fried chitins, and the butterfly tongues in aspic.

  9. Dennis

    when he’s not even really a computer software expert either, just a good marketer who was in the right place at the right time to scoop up the prototype of MSDOS and cut a shrewd deal with IBM

    We were always bashing old Bill back in the days of MSDOS and MS Windows 1.11. Knew he was a dropout because he spent his time playing poker.
    What I didn’t know then and only recently found out was that Bill’s father was an IBM executive … and when he and his board hired Bill and his buddies, IBM was only interested in selling Hardware, so of course Bill could keep the rights to “his” Software.

  10. John: Bill Gates’ father was also deep into eugenics and population control, and served on the board of Planned Parenthood (as did Bill’s mother). The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and Bill is on record saying he thinks the ideal world population should be about 1 billion or so (how he plans to cull 6-7 billion of us remains to be seen). No surprise, then, that sterilants have “accidentally” – just a silly lab mixup, we promise! – ended up in some Gates-funded vaccines in Africa and India.

  11. acricketchirps: “Do you have a children’s menu?”

    Why, yes, we serve a complete selection of children, prepared to taste.

  12. The Corbett Report has an excellent 4 part documentary series on Bill Gates’ background.

  13. The industrial agriculture required to produce enough soy and beans for those fake burgers is literally murder on deer, coyotes, rabbits, ducks, geese that get caught up in the combines. Seeing half a dog caught in your machine suffering terribly leaves an indelible memory.

  14. Dennis

    I actually had some bad info awhile back

    Bill’s Father was a High price lawyer in WA or OR, his mother served on the PP board with IBM CEO – so between the three (or four) of them worked out a win-win-win for the GATES

    TALK ABOUT PRIVILEGE

    Dean said: Renaissance man

    Was Dean referring to the interview he had aways back where he attempted to leap over a chair with a standing jump?
    That’s a Renaissance man allusion although a “true” Renaissance man was supposed to be able to leap over another man

    Cricket, my man, be careful out there amongst the woke

  15. That chair jump was from 2004 interview with Connie Chung

    Gates walked out of that interview when connie started asking offlimit questions

    (She still had an hours worth including Bill junping the shark I mean chair

  16. I’d become a vegetarian before I’d switch to eating lab-grown “meat” or insects.

  17. You think this is bad, but just wait until they eventually talk their way into outright cannibalism.

    I mean… there’s lots of babies being aborted and old and infirm people being euthanized…

    You think they’ll just let all that go to waste?

    They already use them for medical experiments. Why not open up another market?

    Didn’t that one CNN guy Reza Aslan proudly eat human brains somewhere? For diversity and inclusion?

    Only a matter of time until leftover transsexual genitalia after the op becomes a delicacy.

    I predict this will happen around the same time they simultaneously ‘cancel’ the Catholic Eucharist, because it gives off an aura of white meat and is therefore the Church is somehow reinforcing the idea that you need to eat and drink white flesh and blood to be holy. And that my friends is subtle white supremacy invented by the white guys in Rome who were… you guessed it… an evil white empire who replaced black Jesus with a white one.

    If all that sounds stupid to you, then that only means it’s precisely what’s going to happen.

  18. “There are millions of wildebeest on the African plain. Not one of them will die of old age.”
    -Author unknown, a scripted description for an unremembered PBS “Nature” program.

    It was a helluva line— obviously memorable. It struck a chord and made me reflect on its essential accuracy.

  19. As soon as Briggs says Woke food is a real thing, you can be almost certain that it isn’t.

    Eat what you like as long as it’s not humans. Note I put the “S” without it that would have left open those who eat placentas, or breast milk! It’s so important to be precise, people can soooo easily misunderstand.

    Interesting fact about elephants:
    When they look at humans they have a similar response as when we look t puppies. (the well adjusted ones amongst us, that is)

    Not sure what’s worse, getting upset about non threats from weak and ineffective left-wingers or feigning the same in the hope that the useful idiots will do your wet work.

  20. Apart from everything, nothing

    I must be the only one here who’s never read the book or seen the film. It must come up at least. a couple of times a year on here. If I had it, it would come up straight away.

  21. At risk of taking people too seriously, if they eat human meat they suffer from poisoning from “rions”. or proteins which affect the brain and central nervous system. Spongiform encephalopathy of the non bovine variety.
    So don’t try it even for a bet

  22. Not ‘rions”, prions. I either have crumbs under some of the keys or Briggs is monkeying in the comment box again.

  23. Actually, Joy, this MIGHT be the first year I’ve actually seen the movie.

    I MAY have seen it before … but I’m not sure … if I did see it, it was on TV, 50 years ago, and highly edited.

    I actually picked up the book the movie is based on about 10 years ago but couldn’t bring myself to read

    Actually prions would be a two for one since it’s all about over population

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