We Know Our Son Is Our Daughter: A Mini-Play In One Act

We Know Our Son Is Our Daughter: A Mini-Play In One Act

Say, Jesse, how ya been? Step in any more poop on the golden streets of Frisco?

“Very funny. You know, that’s awfully close to being racist.”

That so? What can I do to put it over the top? You know I don’t like doing things half measure.

“I don’t have much time right now, especially for your bad jokes. I have to get to the pharmacy before it closes.”

Oh, I’m sorry. Somebody feeling poorly at your place?

“No, it’s for our daughter. I have to pick up her hormone blocker pills. I already missed a day because I was on a flight.”

Hormone blockers?

“Even somebody as dumb as you must have heard of hormone blockers.”

I have, too. But I thought you had a son, not a daughter. You say you’re giving him these pills?

“I’m giving her those pills.”

So that he can stop from having his balls drop?

Her balls. I know what game you’re playing, and I won’t play it with you. I won’t even get upset that you misgender my daughter. Some people are just ignorant.”

Say, how did you know your son was actually your daughter?

“It’s when she started kindergarten, my wife was bathing her. An adult friend of ours had just come out as trans, and my wife mentioned that not all girls have vaginas and not all boys have penises.

“Our daughter asked, ‘some girls have penises?’ My wife said yes. Whether you were a boy or a girl wasn’t about your private parts. ‘I’m a girl with a penis,’ my daughter said.”

So your son believed your wife? In the glorious olden days of yore, when a man’s wife did that kind of a thing to a child, the man would take his belt to her.

“So you’re a sexist as well as a transphobe. I might have known.”

I’m all sorts of fine things. But seriously. How besides your son taking your wife’s hint did you know he was actually your daughter? You can’t have started him on a course of these powerful medications just because of one bath.

“Don’t be an ass. Of course not. We hired a therapist. It can be scary to be so different. We found ours through LA Gender Center. We also went to Transforming Family, a program at Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles that includes therapists and facilitators for adults and playgroups for kids.”

Anything else?

“No. We also took our daughter to a doctor who specializes in adolescent medicine for trans kids. We’re so grateful we live in LA and have access to caring medical pros who are up on the latest research and standards of care.”

Charge a lot, does he?

“A fair bit, but insurance covers most of it. We’re happy to pay whatever it takes.”

Including the hormone blockers.

“Yes, including those.”

I know I’m slow, but help me out here. You say you know, and your son knows, and your wife knows, and the highly paid quacks you engaged know, that your son is actually your daughter. That right?

You say they’re quacks. I say they are a godsend. But, yes, it’s true we all know.”

So that because your son is actually your daughter, you will give him pills that block the production of testosterone, which is a natural process in boys?

“That’s right.”

In other words, you will have to inject artificial chemicals into your son on a regular basis, to prevent his body’s natural functions from overriding your beliefs?

“It isn’t our belief. It’s true.”

Put it this way, you have to stop him from becoming a man, which you agree would happen naturally. You know he’s really a girl because you know he’s a boy. And you want to stop that.

“You’re being crude, but that’s it.”

What’s next? You gonna take him to some quack and, for a very large fee, have him chop your boy’s nuts off? Say! I wonder if those quacks pin sets of these to their I-love-me walls, sort of like trophies, like the barbarians used to do with scalps.

“Aha! So you are a racist. I knew it.”

Parts of this conversation have been ripped off from this thread. And, yes, we are the April fools.

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  1. Hun

    Shit, that Twitter thread is from 31st March. 🙁

  2. Sheri

    Hun: Yep, it’s REAL.

    Has anyone suggested litter boxes for the streets of San Fran? These creatures live like animals and are treated like animals. Seems appropriate.

    Come on. Everyone has waited for the day you can pick the sex of your kid at any point in their development. Now all that’s left is Brave New World and Deltas to clean the streets of San Fran. Really, who needs science when we have the spirit of Mengele to guide us? Oh, and Satan shoes with real blood in them?

    It’s impossible to have an April Fool’s Day when your society is one of drooling idiots, isn’t it?

  3. brad tittle

    50 Miles from home and a briefcase. That is what you need to become an expert. It doesn’t matter what you know. It doesn’t matter whether your balls have dropped or not.

    I keep thinking that but the more my age increments the less confidence I have in experts.

    “Tell me why I don’t need you as an expert” may be my new filtering expression. Doctors can explain to me why most of the time 2 aspirin and a week are a good thing to give anyone with an ailment. An architect can tell me “if your are building a single story house and you have 2×6 walls and know where the loads are, you can probably not pay me anything and make a safe house. 2×4 walls are probably going to work also, just don’t make the studs more the 24″ apart”. The automobile engineer “You are making a trailer to haul your trans female daughter to the doctor, make sure you have enough tongue load. ”

    But it is hard to turn down dumb money. It is even harder to turn it down when someone needs help with a non problem and you don’t have any real skills to apply to other problems.

    And this 4/1 posting is indistinguishable from real conversations on the subject.

  4. Jerry

    You know it’s bad when the parodies can’t be told from reality. The entire culture is one big parody of itself.

  5. Dean Ericson

    Every day is April Fool’s Day in Krazy Klown world.

  6. Dean Ericson

    I remember when I was four or five I told Mom I was a dog and got down on all fours barking and panting, with tongue hanging out, just like Tippy, our family dog. Mom thought it was adorable, of course, and gave me a treat, so this went on intermittently for a week or two until I tired of the game. Children have active imaginations, love play acting, and are highly suggestible, having naive levels of discernment. That situation is ripe to be exploited by the merchants of revolution, who live to make everything revolting, and especially love corrupting the innocent. The wonder is watching the appalling number of willing accomplices, dupes, fools, and useful idiots who go along with it.

  7. Sheri

    Dean: We live in a world of children and adolescents with no contact with reality, no discipline, just raw emotion. This cannot end well.

  8. Johnno

    There are levels of stupidity that are so stupendously dumbfounding, that you require years of training and professional certification in order to legally espouse and practice them.

  9. Dennis

    These “doctors” pushing “trans” hormone therapy, etc. on kids are the heirs of Mengele, and should be treated as such. In a sane society they’d be locked-up for serial malpractice and child abuse (and their parents as well).

  10. C-Marie

    “And if anyone hurts the conscience of one of these little ones, that believe in Me, he had better have been drowned in the depths of the sea, with a mill-stone hung about his neck.” Matthew 18: 6.

    To God we answer for leading the innocents astray from Him. If we are truly unaware of doing so, He will know that, and if we knowingly do so, He will know that too.

    Well written play. So true and so sad. Thank you!!

    God bless, C-Marie

  11. Cloudbuster

    Johanno: “There are levels of stupidity that are so stupendously dumbfounding, that you require years of training and professional certification in order to legally espouse and practice them.”

    Never attribute to stupidity what is better explained by evil.

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