The Greatest Scientific Experiment Of All Time!

The Greatest Scientific Experiment Of All Time!

My friends, you know I do not like to boast and brag, but in this case I must. For I have thought up the Greatest Scientific Experiment Of All Time. Which, you will agree, is the achievement of achievements. They won’t give me the Nobel for this, because they will be too ashamed. They will realize how unworthy this meager award is for the awesome gift I am about to give to science.

I understand the pain they will feel, the award committee, just as I forgive all workings scientists the sharp envy they will experience resulting from realizing they should have thought of this first.

To give credit where’s it due, the idea came to be in a flash after I saw our next (and last) President, California’s Gavin “Gruesome” Newsom appoint a black woman to the Senate as dead Feinstein’s replacement because she, the replacement was a black woman. Which echoed Biden’s SCOTUS manuever: he too picked a black woman as dead RBG’s replacement because she, the replacement, was a black woman.

Incidentally, neither move was “racist” because in order to be “racist” you have to have power, and the black women chosen as replacements because they were black women do not have power, nor does Gruesome Newsom. Only white unwoke men, we are told, have power, thus only they can be “racist”.

But never mind all that, for…

…Here is the greatest experiment ever conceived! Give one city, say San Francisco, everything it wants.

That’s it. That’s the experiment.

Do not oppose any woke policy or giveaway. Embrace every left idea. No push-back, at all. No deadlines, no threat of ending permanent leftist rule. Really go for it.

We all as a country agree to let the left have complete and total control of one major city, and San Francisco is as good as any. Nothing should be denied them. Every effort should be made to ensure their theories are implemented to the full. We cannot have them have any reason to complain that outside forces hold back their genius.

Remember when the city proposed “Payments of $5 million to every eligible Black adult, the elimination of personal debt and tax burdens, guaranteed annual incomes of at least $97,000 for 250 years and homes in San Francisco for just $1 a family.”

Do it. Double it, even. Broadcast the effort. Boast of it. Make it mandatory policy to pander to every black and “person of color”.

Drugs? Legalize them all. Fentanyl dangerous? Hey, it’s their bodies. Let them do to them what they wish. Whatever they wish. Whatever the woke leadership of the city determines is best, agree to it. Let them have whatever they want. Abortion follows: let them make it mandatory.

Crime is “racist”? Stop punishing any so-called crime when it is committed by a “person of color”. Punishment is, the woke say, desired only by fascists. Therefore no more punishment of anybody they do not want to punish. Open the jails, as they wish. Free everybody.

Scott Wiener wants to legalize sodomy between men and children. He wants “rights” for every kind and stripe of LGBTQWERTY+++. He wants surgery and injections, paid for by the government, to “transition” children and adults on demand. Go for it. Pay whatever it costs. Open new clinics for them.

Guns? Confiscate every one of them, except, of course, those belonging to city rulers. Do not leave so much as a firecracker in the hands of the people. Woke theory insists only rulers and their agents should be armed, and that peace will reign because of it.

Do all this and more. No quavering, no hesitation. Given them everything. Then let’s watch what happens.

This is how science works, friends. We have a theory, we test it. We observe. Implement woke theory to the full. Give them what they want.

Woke Prediction

Heaven on earth. Pure bliss. The greatest happiness of the greatest number. An example so shining and pure and obvious that the rest of the country will demand we emulate San Francisco. The complete woke takeover of earth.

My Prediction

This. And within twelve months the bay will turn as red as the Golden Gate bridge.

Let’s do it and see who is right.

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  1. Tim Owens

    The Great San Francisco Social Experiment…would make Krakatoa and Vesuvius seem like mere muffler backfires by comparison…and, that’s just the first week! $1 housing for everybody who gets $5M right off the bat and $97K for life, however extremely short their lives will be, Utopia Realized! Oh! Don’t forget! SanFran is a certified and self-identified Sanctuary City, ALL are welcome…a people pipeline from Mexico to the Golden Gate City! BRIGGS YOU BLOODY GENIUS! Almost as bloody as SanFran will be if your experiment-to-end-all-experiments is even considered.

  2. Cloudbuster

    Isn’t this experiment already underway? What has been denied to San Francisco?

  3. Hagfish Bagpipe

    Sounds like what God may have been thinking in the aftermath of the Fall — let them have what they want, good and hard. See if they learn anything. Lot of people won’t learn until they drive the car drunkenly into a ditch. Even then some will get out and blame the booze, blame the car, bad roads, damn ditch, et cetera. We had the Bolshevik revolution they got out of that wreck blaming the booze, the car, damn ditch, might have blamed the Esquimeaux, too, same deal. They climb out of one wreck, take a swig, and start working on the next wreck. One damn thing after another. Never learn.

    But a man has the free will to opt out. Don’t drink and drive, don’t blame others for your problems, live right and true. Those who can learn, learn. Life is good.

  4. Tim Owens

    To the left, “Live and Let Live” is reserved only for themselves. Everybody else somehow needs to conform to their twisted standards…drunken, drug-skying standards, no doubt.

  5. the monetary hegemony needs the military-industrial complex for dominating the opposing forces — the next opponent (desired loser) is BRICS (not, Briggs 😉 ).

  6. BB

    I think for this experiment to work, you would need to a) properly isolate the cities from outside influences, and b) set up a control. So, you will need to take another city, city B, similiar in most respects to San Fransisco (city A). Maybe Los Angeles, but I am sure those who know something about Californian geography will be able to name a better alternative. Exile all Keynesians and critical theorists from city B, and force the critical theorists and socialists to move to city A. Exile all Keynesians, Austrians and Chicago economists and virtue/duty ethicists from city A, and send the virtue/duty ethicists to city B. The Keynesians and “moderates” can have their own city. Try to have an otherwise similiar range of people in each city (i.e. similar skill base and technical qualifications — although it might be difficult finding good engineers who want to move to city A.) Give each city complete control to implement their policies for a few decades, and see which one does best.

    Of course, this sort of experiment has been conducted before on a larger scale than just cities: East/West Germany; North/South Korea, albeit with Marxism itself rather than its even more incoherent descendant dominating the left today. I imagine the result would be the same.

  7. Cary D Cotterman

    Of course, it would all go to hell–that is, even deeper into hell than it already is–but leftist asswipes like the moron in the Twitter video you linked to are intellectually incapable of connecting the Democrat politicians and policies they vote for to the disasters that ensue. Give them everything they want, but when it all goes tits-up and sinks into the Bay, they’ll still claim it was because of climate change, racism, and capitalism.

  8. C-Marie

    “Scott Wiener wants to legalize sodomy between men and children. He wants “rights” for every kind and stripe of LGBTQWERTY+++. He wants surgery and injections, paid for by the government, to “transition” children and adults on demand. Go for it. Pay whatever it costs. Open new clinics for them.”

    No, to the above. Maybe the writer got carried away there.

    Rather save the children … even now … daily prayer going up for the men and the women, the young people and the children, who are thinking about transitioning, who are undergoing transitioning, who have detransitioned ….. that they each fully accept God’s creation of human sexuality that we are either male or female and there is no possibility of being other than His creation of us … of His creation of marriage …. and ask Him for His helps in their confusion.

    Well said, Hagfish!!

    God bless, C-Marie

  9. Cookie

    The experiment has already been done…its called South Africa.

    The trains stopped running because the different tribes compete to steal the rails and whatever isn’t nailed down.

    But its the fault of the Boer and others that this is happening?

  10. Gunther Heinz

    Ummmfortunately, Briggs doesn’t know about DEEP COVERT TRAUMA. That happens when people are TOO NICE, and causes you to suffer emotional damage.

  11. People of color have been held back by Whitey for so long. Thanks to below replacement reproduction by Whitey we will soon see just how much. Fortunately I’m old and will be dead soon so I won’t have to live through that particular Hell. Whether or not I’m in the canonical one remains to be seen.

  12. Johnno


    You can’t just run such an experiment! Not without the involvement of Big Pharma, Big Tobacco, the MiC, the ADL, SAG AFTRA, and all the Furher’s horses and men and women and non-binaries. Palms need to be greased! Permits need to be issued! Packages need to be sent! Politician’s re-elections need to be assured! Budgets need to be inflated! Ukraine needs to be armed! Slaves need to be freed! Fentanyl needs to be bottled! Votes need to be mailed! The Temple in Jerusalem needs to be rebuilt! Everyone needs their cut! Where is your proposal sheet? Show us your papers! Is there enough diversity? Have you consulted? Have you run opinion polls? Have you surveyed? Have you purchased insurance? Are your scientists unionized? Are your peers reviewed? So much Briggs! SO. MUCH. NEEDS. To be done and made inclusive before you even think to uncap a test tube and fill it up with Californian air! It’s called the scientific method, Briggs, and it’s regulated for a reason! After all, we wouldn’t want to run afoul of anyone’s patents or copyrights! Why, it could take years before you even start, and who knows if there will even be a California, once it’s reclaimed by the sea?

    C-Marie, anyone who cares for their kids must opt out of the experiment by opting out of the State! If you are still there, your consent is assumed!

  13. So, you’ve discovered accelerationism. Good for you.

  14. Forbes

    Reminds me of “Escape from New York,” a 1981 American science fiction action film co-written, co-scored and directed by John Carpenter, and starring Kurt Russell, Lee Van Cleef, Ernest Borgnine, Donald Pleasence, Isaac Hayes, Adrienne Barbeau and Harry Dean Stanton.

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