My friends, you know I do not like to boast and brag, but in this case I must. For I have thought up the Greatest Scientific Experiment Of All Time. Which, you will agree, is the achievement of achievements. They won’t give me the Nobel for this, because they will be too ashamed. They will realize how unworthy this meager award is for the awesome gift I am about to give to science.
I understand the pain they will feel, the award committee, just as I forgive all workings scientists the sharp envy they will experience resulting from realizing they should have thought of this first.
To give credit where’s it due, the idea came to be in a flash after I saw our next (and last) President, California’s Gavin “Gruesome” Newsom appoint a black woman to the Senate as dead Feinstein’s replacement because she, the replacement was a black woman. Which echoed Biden’s SCOTUS manuever: he too picked a black woman as dead RBG’s replacement because she, the replacement, was a black woman.
Incidentally, neither move was “racist” because in order to be “racist” you have to have power, and the black women chosen as replacements because they were black women do not have power, nor does Gruesome Newsom. Only white unwoke men, we are told, have power, thus only they can be “racist”.
But never mind all that, for…
…Here is the greatest experiment ever conceived! Give one city, say San Francisco, everything it wants.
That’s it. That’s the experiment.
Do not oppose any woke policy or giveaway. Embrace every left idea. No push-back, at all. No deadlines, no threat of ending permanent leftist rule. Really go for it.
We all as a country agree to let the left have complete and total control of one major city, and San Francisco is as good as any. Nothing should be denied them. Every effort should be made to ensure their theories are implemented to the full. We cannot have them have any reason to complain that outside forces hold back their genius.
Remember when the city proposed “Payments of $5 million to every eligible Black adult, the elimination of personal debt and tax burdens, guaranteed annual incomes of at least $97,000 for 250 years and homes in San Francisco for just $1 a family.”
Do it. Double it, even. Broadcast the effort. Boast of it. Make it mandatory policy to pander to every black and “person of color”.
Drugs? Legalize them all. Fentanyl dangerous? Hey, it’s their bodies. Let them do to them what they wish. Whatever they wish. Whatever the woke leadership of the city determines is best, agree to it. Let them have whatever they want. Abortion follows: let them make it mandatory.
Crime is “racist”? Stop punishing any so-called crime when it is committed by a “person of color”. Punishment is, the woke say, desired only by fascists. Therefore no more punishment of anybody they do not want to punish. Open the jails, as they wish. Free everybody.
Scott Wiener wants to legalize sodomy between men and children. He wants “rights” for every kind and stripe of LGBTQWERTY+++. He wants surgery and injections, paid for by the government, to “transition” children and adults on demand. Go for it. Pay whatever it costs. Open new clinics for them.
Guns? Confiscate every one of them, except, of course, those belonging to city rulers. Do not leave so much as a firecracker in the hands of the people. Woke theory insists only rulers and their agents should be armed, and that peace will reign because of it.
Do all this and more. No quavering, no hesitation. Given them everything. Then let’s watch what happens.
This is how science works, friends. We have a theory, we test it. We observe. Implement woke theory to the full. Give them what they want.
Heaven on earth. Pure bliss. The greatest happiness of the greatest number. An example so shining and pure and obvious that the rest of the country will demand we emulate San Francisco. The complete woke takeover of earth.
This. And within twelve months the bay will turn as red as the Golden Gate bridge.
Let’s do it and see who is right.
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